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Home / Between The Sheets

We have great sex but she is unable to satisfy me, could I be the problem?


Dear Coleen

My partner and I have great sex that never seems to go stale. The only problem is, she’s not been able to make me climax.

I have a high sex drive and while she’s out I tend to masturbate at least twice a day. I don’t know whether or not I am relying on myself too much to climax, and whether this is why I’m having trouble when it comes to sex with my partner.

I really love her and she knows exactly how to turn me on, so I just don’t understand what the problem is. I’m assuming that I’m the reason because my partner is amazing in bed. Please help.

Coleen says

I think the problem now, because this has been going on for a while, is that psychologically you’re putting up a barrier when it comes to sex with your partner.

If you think it’s not going to happen then it probably won’t.

Also, just a word of reassurance here – your issue is actually more common than you’d think. I’ve spoken to a lot of people, male and female, who really enjoy sex with their partners but can only climax when they’re by themselves.

And if you’re both loving sex, then it doesn’t have to be a problem. Also, you don’t always have to climax during penetrative sex, so maybe take the pressure off yourself and try other ways during lovemaking.

Finally, I agree with you on the solo sex front. Stop pleasuring yourself so much. Don’t do it for a while and see if it changes things when you do have sex with your partner.

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