There is no doubt that sex is vital for most people. There are some who genuinely aren’t interested in sex but for the most part, people expect to have a happy sex life with their partner.
When you’re in a relationship, a huge chunk of your bond comes from friendship, healthy communication and other areas that guarantee you can get along just fine. Something else to think about in the mix of all this is whether you’re sexually compatible or not.
But is there even such a thing as sexual compatibility or incompatibility? Yes, based on these reasons:
The basic fact that people like different things means that it might be a real thing. There are people who would like to pause on sex until they’re married and others who don’t mind getting intimate early and this is a sign before we even dig deeper.
When we look at the details, there are other points that would support this truth. For example, you might be someone who would want to watch porn or use toys with your partner while they’re disgusted by this idea. This can cause some friction in your relationship, and maybe even lead to a breakup.
It could also come up when your partner expects you to have sex more frequently than you’re used to because of your different sex drives. Another source of friction.
Signs of sexual incompatibility can also show based on how the sex feels. You can notice that the sex just feels awkward, maybe even painful regardless of which position you try.
In some cases this happens even when you don’t notice it but what do you do when things aren’t so great in the bedroom then?
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You have to decide what’s important to you and whether this is a deal-breaker. There is no shame in admitting that something isn’t for you because your needs are valid too.
However, we don’t advocate for testing to actually see if you’re compatible. You shouldn’t be quick to jump into bed with people you aren’t married to and a simple solution is to first have an open conversation to gauge your expectations.
Sexual incompatibility can also develop gradually even for married couples. Things might have been great at the beginning but as time goes on, it’s possible to lose that connection.
Here, honesty will prevent a lot of issues. You have to take a moment to communicate how you’re feeling because ignoring what is going on might hurt your relationship even more.
If you’re feeling that your needs are being ignored, say it so that you can deal with any deep issue that’s going on.
This is also a chance for you to try new things if you’re both open to it because you might discover that you’re both on the same page about exploring new things.
In case you’re not able to resolve this problem that is blocking your intimacy on your own, seek therapy. It could be that you need someone neutral to help you navigate through this situation together.
To conclude, the issue of sexual compatibility or incompatibility is a reality. And if it happens, there are many solutions as you move forward. Look for what works for you through open communication and if things don’t get resolved seek counselling.