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Men talk: Midlife has eventually caught up with you, so what?

Readers Lounge By Derrick Oluoch
Are you now desiring more affection and attention than what your spouse is giving? I have news for you (Shutterstock)

Midlife crisis is a reserve for white guys in their 40s dealing with their emotions by luxuriating in sports cars and mistresses. This is the assumption that most men have conjured in their heads when thinking of midlife crisis. No man wants to own up to a midlife crisis. Could it be the many bad jokes it’s riddled with that push men to their state of denial?

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Well, the desire for more affection and attention than what your spouse gives you could be the subtlest way midlife crisis is showing up in your life. You will realize that your pessimism has increased and you are no longer confident in the decisions you have been making. Yearning to change your character, try newer approaches, and maybe alter your belief system entirely, get more real.

It is not just you, even society is negative about ageing. Moving closer to your grave is not something that should make you happy- but it can be a wakeup call. Middle age is a chance for you to make beneficial changes in your life. An opportunity for you to review your life and make all the necessary adjustments for a better life moving forth. You know, you can still sign off as the king you have always wanted to be. 

Getting that new tattoo and piercings cannot be all you want to do, right? How about you hit the gym, join a neighbourhood sporting club, go swimming, or better, get a bicycle? Slobbing out and feeling lethargic are quite the norm now but you need to look after yourself. Keeping fit is a good way of relieving stress and getting rid of frustrations. Meeting newer faces at the club or the gym can also be refreshing and quite therapeutic.

Not that getting that new tattoo and piercings is all you want to do, right? (Shutterstock)

Probably like you, a lot of guys out here do not truly appreciate life. So many have given up on their dreams, succumbed to fears and spent their valuable time tolerating the intolerable. You don’t have to take that path. Think of life as a party and celebrate the miracle that you are alive. You don’t have to spend years getting into bad situations at the expense of the life you desire. Life is to be enjoyed, don’t endure those who don’t appreciate you and treat you badly.

Of course, you have been thinking of getting that new model Kawasaki motorcycle. To others, this comes out like an impulse to spend on extravagance but what they don’t get is that this is the only thing that makes you happy now. While you might be able to comfortably do this, you shouldn’t lie to yourself. You can only do as much to make up for the things you feel slipped you in your heydays.

How about your bedroom life? It would be ambitious to expect your sex life to maintain the tempo. Your partner is no longer as gorgeous as she was when you met, but so is you. Your sex life is changing, it is wise not to fight it, instead, find a level with it. It is time to start exploring the possibilities of having real intimacy. A random lass from the local or a girl half your age won’t give you that. Aim for quality, not quantity. Stop the search for happiness and instead start building the life you have always wanted and happiness will find you.

Then there is social media. You should try and keep off this one. It is the worst thing than can ever happen to your fragile personality right now. All the anxiety, envy, feelings of worthlessness and every other negativity that social media oozes will sure be the end of you. This is not the best time for you to check out the highlights of the lives of others. 

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Destroying your house won’t make you feel like a better person. Whatever is messing up with you is really none of your doing (Shutterstock)

Let’s admit it, this is like the male menopause. The symptoms you are battling are not any different from the ones a menopausal woman would have to deal with. The irritability, fatigue, self-pity, anxiety, low self-esteem, these are manifestations that you have to accept and learn to deal with. Your reliable and satisfied self is steadily giving way to an unruly and rebellious man. It is common to feel your best is now in the past. This should not cloud you from setting out and achieving all that there is for your taking. The society has convinced you that you shouldn’t feel frustrated or disappointed with life, don’t let that make you run away from help.

Well, you don’t have to destroy your house to feel like a better person. Whatever is messing up with you is really none of your doing. As you wish, you can blame it on your history or the Tano Tena regime. Better, you can blame it on your folks and all that you inherited, and your lineage. Ultimately you will realize that all you have to do is manage the changes and anticipate the satisfactions on the other side.

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