Mistakes you shouldn't let him get away with

It’s been a complicated week for ‘lovers’ and other romantic partners, the first one after Valentine's Day.

You see, Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday and whereas ‘hardcore’ and desperate dudes can talk about the mythological ‘Men’s Conference’ with guest speakers being glorified chauvinists like Mzee Jackson Kibor, there are men who were magicians on this day.

I mean there are men in this town who took out their ‘clandes’ for lunch on Valentine’s Day, and then took out their ‘real’ Valentine’s (wife/fiancée/serious partner/girlfriend) out for dinner in the evening.

Like lunch time they were with their side salad in a nice restaurant in Hurlingham, come evening they are with the main dish in a posh place in Westlands.

Women, I don’t care if my boys murder me, if he told you he is in a business conference the entire weekend, I hope you asked him to chat you live on WhatsApp while the conference was going on, even if on mute, so you confirmed the presence of speakers.

From when I started writing this column, in this space, some years ago, the culture of ‘The Sponsor’ has moved into mainstream.

In a recent survey of campus chicks done by some reputable polling firm, a full 25 per cent of female students admitted to having a sponsor and a boyfriend.

We are talking about students in their early twenties here!

When the poll threw in the mid-twenties ‘sponsored’ demographic, the number jumped to 34 per cent, meaning a third of all the young women you see of this age have a ‘sponsor.’

Some of my more ‘stone age’ mentality pals call it devolved polygamy (or as some loose-about-town persona put it once, ‘Community Husbands ...’).

But at least among the campus lasses, all born in the last bit of the late President Moi’s rule (1998 – 2002) and so none partook of the famous Nyayo milk.

When it comes to choosing their boyfriend, they often go for looks, fitness and personality.

When it comes to 'sponsors', it is whoever comes their way, and the only size that counts in that context is the depth of the ‘big’ man’s pockets ...

This is because he will be expected to sort out her major expenses like hair-dos, cosmetics, with rent as the regular major ticket item.

The problem is that as she looks good, smells nice and lives large, you as sponsor will have a bench warmer, aka her boyfriend, who will provide the real ‘rubs’ in the bedroom you pay for.

These days, the young women even tell the young men about the ‘real owners’ of the house!

A true story: This young man from campus, let’s call him Kevin, decided to surprise his college girlfriend with flowers and a bottle of fine whiskey at her estate in the city outskirts, last Valentine's Day.

"Wacha nifike huko na mat ya mwisho saa tano usiku, watchie akanioneshe V8 nje ya crib ya chiquitta, na saa hizo ma-three zime-deady. Ilibidi tuchape hio whiskey na Wafula (the watchie). (I bought her flowers and fine whiskey only to find a V8 car parked outside her house. We had to drink the whiskey with Wafula, the watchman)," he lamented!

While these young men take their sponsored girlfriends to clubs to drink and dance, the 'sponsor' is expected to take her for ‘out of town’ trips; which is why if your man was super nice on Valentine’s Day, saying it is because he had to be away on the weekend, stay woke!

Sometimes it all goes on for too long.

Take the case of my 29-year old pal, Tina.*

Ten years ago, as a first year in campus, she got a 45-year old (then) senior civil servant as her 'sponsor'.

For four years it was all fun, and after college, he used his connections to get her a job, and cash for a car. But by 27, she was beginning to wonder where it all goes, and she got a boyfriend.

Her 'sponsor' is set to retire this year, but because her boyfriend knows about the arrangement, he has made it clear he can never really be serious with her.

Ladies, help me help Tina.

What should she do?

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