For a long time, the discussion of self-confidence has revolved around women’s challenges. Whether it is body confidence or even confidence at work, women have been at the center of the topic.
These days, women are working hard to push for their rights in society. Feminism has given room for women to have a voice and be taken more seriously.
At the same time, we often forget that men need a lot of love and support too.
In these so called modern days, society has been shaped in a way that doesn’t accommodate men’s issues and this is something that needs urgent discussion.
Men go through confidence issues just like anybody else.
So, what are some of the reasons making men lack confidence?
i. Fear of failure
Men pride themselves in finding solutions and fixing problems. It’s even better when he gets it right at the first attempt because it solidifies his status as a real man. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. We often fail and that leaves us trying over and over again to do better. The problem comes in when men get ridiculed for failing. The end result? Deep rooted esteem issues.
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ii. Pressure to look a certain way
We’ve all heard of the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ stereotype. And yes, it’s true that women don’t shy away from these type of men especially in the dating game. When a man doesn’t fit these stereotypes, he ends up feeling like he’s unlovable. Honestly, the world has a long way to go when it comes to accommodating everyone’s uniqueness. However, people are slowly learning to embrace that. Just because a man isn’t six foot tall and buff, doesn’t make him less of a man.
iii. Financial pressure
This is one of the main reasons why men are lacking confidence today. If you don’t drive a big car or can’t manage to pay for all the drinks during a night out, you’re looked at as a failure. In real sense, even those men who have accumulated millions started from somewhere. Also, the economy is very tough for everyone these days. So if you don’t have millions in the bank, worry not. With hard work, you’ll get there someday.
iv. Bedroom expectations
This is another sensitive topic few dare touch without a six foot pole. Men are expected to have certain skills and be well endowed at the same time. Men shouldn’t be ridiculed for not meeting these expectations. If you’ve been created a certain way, there’s really nothing you can do but accept and appreciate yourself. That’s the true definition of confidence. And besides, who said size has anything to do with pleasing a woman?
Personal issues get in the way of men’s confidence too. Low confidence is often masked by money, cars, women and other cover ups. True confidence and fake confidence is quite easy to spot. If you don’t work on loving yourself, the artificial confidence will peek through with time. Men aren’t expected to have esteem issues but it’s time to face the truth, it is happening more than we think.
vi.No emotional support
Men are expected to be tough. Although these aspects of toxic masculinity are being tackled, society still isn’t ready for emotional men. Men still suffer in silence with bottled up hurt, stress and trauma and this has a huge impact on their self-confidence. A man will try deal with his own issues because he doesn’t want to look weak by venting out and crying in front if his buddies the way women do with their friends.
True confidence shows when a man is willing to admit his failures, learn from others and work on his mistakes. It’s also important for a man to work on his self-esteem by taking care of himself and working hard to secure his future. These are all foundations of a confident man.
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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke