Everyone says that at the end of every relationship, romantic or not, you should seek closure so that you can move on peacefully. Well, I tried it and it left me even more bewildered.
I met this guy just when I had decided that I was done dating and I was going to enjoy my singlehood. I was tired of being defined by a relationship and just wanted to live my life, happy being just me.
Then I met this guy and at first I was hesitant. I didn’t want to let him in. I wanted to be single, dammit! “Why couldn’t he show up when I was actively searching for a boyfriend,” I asked myself.
Long story short, niliingia box. The relationship was good, I won’t complain, but towards what I will now call the end, some things came to light that made me rethink my decision.
He had a bad temper, so bad that I was afraid of being hit. Then there was the matter of religion and I was expected to abandon mine in order to pursue his, no discussions prior. He had a baby mama and their relationship was complicated. It made me uncomfortable but I tried to ignore it and take his word for it. His insecurity also contributed to the mountain of questions I now had.
In the end, I decided I couldn’t go on with that relationship and I went MIA. He’d look for me once in a while and I’d call from time to time. He knew we had a problem and he said that we would meet up to talk so we could move forward.
I got tired of waiting for this talk and moved on. Almost a year later, I decided I had had enough of this relationship that was over but not over. Even though I had made up my mind to let go, I remembered being told that I should get closure. So I texted him and asked if we could meet. We agreed on Friday at lunch time.
Come that Friday, it was awkward. When we first met, I didn’t know if I should hug him or shake his hand. I opted for a verbal hello. Once we had gotten the small talk out of the way, I broached the subject of our relationship and how weird things had been.
He asked me why I had gone quiet and I mentioned my issues. When I tried to tell him how his temper had scared me, he said that I shouldn’t have pushed him to get that angry.
“Wait, what?? So it is my fault,” I asked, bewildered.
Then I mentioned the baby mama and he couldn’t understand why I had a problem with her sleeping in his house whenever she brought the baby to see her dad.
“Do you know how I feel when I come to your place and I find her things there?” I yelled. By this time I had long forgotten about the calm demeanour I had promised myself I would keep.
Next thing I knew he had requested his boda guy to come for him and he was leaving. So I asked, “You’ve been saying we should meet up to discuss our issues and instead of talking you’re walking away?”
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“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said. “You decide what you want and let me know.”
He stood up and left and I didn’t say a thing.
I deleted his number soon after that and vowed that that was the last time I was ever going to speak to him. I couldn’t understand why this man did what he did but I was certain of one thing. I wasn’t going to call him for anything. I was done.
After that I went back to my old ways. There’s no need for closure. Once I’m done with a man, we’re done. My reasons are my own as are his. There’s absolutely no reason why we should sit down to “hash it out”. It only causes more confusion.
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