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I went in search of closure and it left me with even more questions

Readers Lounge By Audrey Masitsa
I tried to look for closure but it left me even more bewildered (Photo: Shutterstock)

Everyone says that at the end of every relationship, romantic or not, you should seek closure so that you can move on peacefully. Well, I tried it and it left me even more bewildered.

Background

I met this guy just when I had decided that I was done dating and I was going to enjoy my singlehood. I was tired of being defined by a relationship and just wanted to live my life, happy being just me.

Then I met this guy and at first I was hesitant. I didn’t want to let him in. I wanted to be single, dammit! “Why couldn’t he show up when I was actively searching for a boyfriend,” I asked myself.

Long story short, niliingia box. The relationship was good, I won’t complain, but towards what I will now call the end, some things came to light that made me rethink my decision.

He had a bad temper, so bad that I was afraid of being hit. Then there was the matter of religion and I was expected to abandon mine in order to pursue his, no discussions prior. He had a baby mama and their relationship was complicated. It made me uncomfortable but I tried to ignore it and take his word for it. His insecurity also contributed to the mountain of questions I now had.

In the end, I decided I couldn’t go on with that relationship and I went MIA. He’d look for me once in a while and I’d call from time to time. He knew we had a problem and he said that we would meet up to talk so we could move forward.

The meetup

I got tired of waiting for this talk and moved on. Almost a year later, I decided I had had enough of this relationship that was over but not over. Even though I had made up my mind to let go, I remembered being told that I should get closure. So I texted him and asked if we could meet. We agreed on Friday at lunch time.

Come that Friday, it was awkward. When we first met, I didn’t know if I should hug him or shake his hand. I opted for a verbal hello. Once we had gotten the small talk out of the way, I broached the subject of our relationship and how weird things had been.

He asked me why I had gone quiet and I mentioned my issues. When I tried to tell him how his temper had scared me, he said that I shouldn’t have pushed him to get that angry.

“Wait, what?? So it is my fault,” I asked, bewildered.

Our conversation quickly turned into an argument (Photo: Shutterstock)

Then I mentioned the baby mama and he couldn’t understand why I had a problem with her sleeping in his house whenever she brought the baby to see her dad.

“Do you know how I feel when I come to your place and I find her things there?” I yelled. By this time I had long forgotten about the calm demeanour I had promised myself I would keep.

Next thing I knew he had requested his boda guy to come for him and he was leaving. So I asked, “You’ve been saying we should meet up to discuss our issues and instead of talking you’re walking away?”

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said. “You decide what you want and let me know.”

He stood up and left and I didn’t say a thing.

Lesson learned

I deleted his number soon after that and vowed that that was the last time I was ever going to speak to him. I couldn’t understand why this man did what he did but I was certain of one thing. I wasn’t going to call him for anything. I was done.

After that I went back to my old ways. There’s no need for closure. Once I’m done with a man, we’re done. My reasons are my own as are his. There’s absolutely no reason why we should sit down to “hash it out”. It only causes more confusion.

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