Reflections: It’s okay for a man to cry but there are rules - Evewoman
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Reflections: It’s okay for a man to cry but there are rules

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If I told you I’m always bubbling with joy, I would be lying. But if I told you my life is usually strewn with joy here and sadness there, in a kind of sequence, I won’t be lying. Everyone’s life is muddle of feelings. I was thinking about this when this thought nudged my brain.

I’m a pretty lucky fellow or the good Lord always shines his favour upon my life, without sulking.

I have been going through a lot recently but this hasn’t really dimmed my sheen. I don’t let it. I lurch on, still focused on the blinking light at the end of the tunnel. As I recall two months of hell were about to push me off the precipice.

In July, I lost quite a sum of money to thieves. These guys had drugged me and left me to die. When I woke up 10 hours later, in a dingy room in a place I can’t even recall, hazy and in fear, my account had been wiped clean. They had used my phone to transfer funds in a matter of minutes. I talked to myself. I thought this is it.  I was at the edge of insanity. I thought I will be this guy lurking in the streets murmuring to himself about money he lost and scaring children.

I surprised myself when I bounced back, wearing a smile even when the DCI seemed to do nothing to recover the money. When I was almost recovering, I lost my job. It’s not those things that comes as a surprise because sometimes instinct tries to talk to us, but we suppress it. I had this gut feeling. Although I opened the letter with trembling hands, I was 80 per cent sure of the contents of the letter. But still, for a slight of blinking of time, I felt like my end had come. That I couldn’t go through this. That this was too much for one person.

I parked my car at a secluded place on Nairobi-Nakuru highway and exhaled. I started counting my misfortunes the last two months, and they were more than four and I asked God some questions. I felt overwhelmed.

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But that was that. It only lasted an hour, then I was back to myself.  Then I started counting lucky escapes in life. I was ready for a comeback. It will not be the end of sorrows or misfortunes, but these pressures of life are making me stronger and more appreciative.

Again, I’m not yet at the bottom, and if I’m to get to the bottom, there is only lessons to be learnt. It’s at the bottom that we understand stuff, we understand friendships and we understand purposes. I’ve been thinking about these. And about life. How I have leapt over many dangers. I should applaud my guardian angel. Should we clap for her? I should give her a gift. It must be a she. Maybe I should give her chocolate or roses. Perhaps all she needs is some internet bundles. Because I keep her online all the time.  And she seems to be the age of my mother. Because mothers don’t give up on children. You will disappoint her a million times, you will even bomb a skyscraper with millions of people in it, but a mother will always stick with you and she will be heard saying, ‘it must be the devil, my child is a good boy’. Even when you break her favourite vase. Even when the thought of you moistens her cheeks. Even when the blinking of your name on her phone stops her heart. She will always say you’re her good boy. Guardian angels are mothers or mothers are the guardian angles. Mine has been working overtime, tirelessly and without demanding overtime pay. And that’s the reason I’m here today.

Life is full of ups and downs. There will be valleys infested with crocodiles and there will be ups shining like the luster of the golden gates. There will never be a time when life will flow continuously like syrup without an end to joy or sorrows. But the trick is to hold and live on. When is life sweet?

Is it when life is full of joys, or when sorrows come to an end and we triumph? Would life be worthy of anything if it was an endless flow of happiness? Life offers a jab to the gut, but you will recover.

 

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