Men only: Why men run from the ‘P’ word

A couple of weeks ago, one Beryl Wanga Itindi, wrote her column that began thus.

‘I have been wondering why some men develop cold feet when they realise their significant others are pregnant.’

I read the piece with interest, until I suddenly collided with the line: ‘Since Tony Mochama, claims to speak for the boy child, he might have an answer for me.’

This pressure by Wanga, that I ‘speak for the boy child,’ weighed on me so much that I experienced a blood pressure spike, and had to take a break last week, lol.

But, here we are, on yet another Saturday, to explain mankind to a befuddled woman-kind!

First, the significant thing in this ‘pregnancy’ thing is – are you sure you are his significant other?

There are women out there whom, the minute a man sleeps with them once, they label them their ‘boyfriend.’ Last Friday evening, at the IMAX Anga/Dancing Spoon lobby, we were treated to the amusing if ungainly sight of a slip of a young woman – not a day over 20 – pulling at the dreadlocked hair of a young man, about 22, because she had bumped into him in the queue, taking another young lady for the popular movie, ‘Avengers: End Game.’

‘You’re a LIAR!’ she yelled as she yanked at his hair, with the same intensity one would shriek: ‘You MURDERER!!’

When the young man finally struggled free, he shouted at her: ‘Go away, you crazy little bitch! I am not your boyfriend, I just banged you!’ (True story, you can confirm with kina Oti at the lobby).

Point being, just because you two have intercourse sans prophylactics (aka, raw sex) does not now make you the ‘significant’ other. Yes, it takes two to tango, but if he scores, and you become expectant, expect him to take off. To go.

Some men vanish so comprehensively, it is as if they migrated to Togo – or Timbuktu!

Even if you are truly his significant other, there is something called an unplanned-for pregnancy.

Telling a clueless man about pills that didn’t work, or you forgot to take the Postpone-it-all 2 (or whatever it’s called) just doesn’t cut it – and may cause him to take to his feet and flee.

A young man in his 20s may suddenly realise what it means to be a first time father in 2019.

It means you are responsible for a young life at least until 2040!

That’s when the young man runs because he realises he still has a lot of ‘free’ life to explore.

Itindi wondered about men who ‘one minute are all excited about starting a family,’ then run.

Look, there are bad men out there, Beryl, who sound thrilled about putting a berry in your belly – but, really, they just say this to sound ‘serious’ in order to bed women.

Those are just the worst of the boy ‘childs.’

If you watch ‘Game of Thrones’ – and you’re mad if you don’t – Euron Greyjoy tells Queen Cersei he wants to ‘put a boy in your belly,’ but really what he’s after is being a King of 7 Kingdoms.

‘After all,’ Wanga moaned, ‘it is women who grow bellies, experience morning sickness and cope with emotional changes…’

Open your eyes! For some men, if before all they saw was a sex goddess, seeing distorted stomachs, dawn vomitus and mad mood swings may send them running for the hills.

Beryl said some ‘show up near adulthood’ while there’s the lot that will never turn up!

It’s like the Mother Hen story, dear Ms Itindi.

Even at a miserable ten thao a month, a feller who shows up when that girl is in Fourth Form has saved himself about two million bob in child support.

If the runaway-from-the-pregnancy NEVER turns up for his ‘bastard’ boy, maybe he simply started a proper family elsewhere, and has zero interest in the welfare of the lad. Move on!

Beryl said ‘once you miss the journey (of pregnancy), it cannot be replayed.’

And she’s right!

I fondly remember the ante-natal clinic visits, hearing heartbeats, finding out ‘it’s a boy,’ etc.

But some men don’t care to watch that series, let alone feel terrible that it has no re-runs!

The best ‘revenge’ is to bring up that toi best as you can, and as Beryl said, when s/he’s a star, the deadbeat dad will show up like a bad penny.

Then the adult child can get their vengeance, by rejecting him in his older age!

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