Girl code: Please don’t plan my family for me - Evewoman

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Girl code: Please don’t plan my family for me

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Today, let’s talk about the spacing of our children. By this, I mean the number of years or months in between children in a family.

My daughter is now three years old and I can assure you the number of times I have been asked, “When are you bringing her a sibling?” can be counted to infinity.

A while back, I used to hold myself together, smile and try to explain myself. Lately, however, I seem to have swallowed a bomb that goes off at any slightest opportunity.

Whoever asks me this question goes back home questioning their worth in this life.

I can only imagine what those of us who have held on longer than three years feel when asked such a question.

My ovaries have only been on leave for three years but, to society, it looks like 93 years, four months and six days! Even if it were that, I really don’t think how we decide to space our children should be anyone’s worry.

It’s even worse for those with waiting wombs. Some people out here are so insensitive that they will keep tabs on your age and number of years spent in marriage before they start raising equally insensitive questions or making unwanted remarks.

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A friend last week called me at 10pm to tell me to give birth to another baby. The nerve! How do you even call someone at 10pm to discuss something that’s none of your business?

To make it even more annoying, this friend knows very well that I am neither married nor in a relationship. So I am left wondering, was I supposed to kidnap a man and marry him by force?

You know, some people make us retaliate with very mean comments just because of your equally mean statements or questions.

Even when we are not in the mood to sin, they still push us away from the everlasting life we were promised by the Most High.

These people are not going to be the reason I don’t see heaven! So if you are one of them, don’t push me to the edge even when I am evidently on the edge.

Again, it doesn’t matter how many years I take in marriage before my womb is blessed. As long as I am not using your ovaries, maintain a good distance from how I use mine.

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Children are a blessing from above and no human should be subjected to questions and answers on how and why they haven’t had any.

This same society will judge you if you decide to bless them with a young one every year. People will be all over giving you judgemental eyes as if you are using your head to walk with your feet high up.

Those around me have learnt to treat that part of me with some respect even though I know it itches some of them more than a mosquito bite. I believe even if I decide to stay another 56 years before I conceive, that would be my choice and it should be respected.

Only come and question me if you are willing to find the man, conceive with him, carry the pregnancy to term and bring me the baby. You are still not stopping at that; you will have to provide everything for this baby while my main duty will be to provide company.

What I am saying in short is, if you feel like the world needs an extra human, go ye therefore and create one. Don’t just walk around telling people to fulfil the desires of your heart. It is your heart. Work on it!

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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of

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