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Men only: Different strokes for different folks

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There is a married woman, who by her own written confession, has slept with at least 35 men – other than her husband – since 2015.

That is a seriously high body count for anyone. Do the math – nine men a year, or a new man every 40 days. That is the length of Lent.

And her breadth extends from friendly fire, like tu-boyfriends, to very hostile incoming fire, like an inmate in Kamiti whom she met over the Internet (probably trying his luck conning her out of cash on some fake competition, but ended up receiving a conjugal visit in prison from this corporate madam).

Although her name has been everywhere, from weekly papers to radio shows to social media, let’s just give her a pseudonym for this piece -- *Angelica. And let’s give her multiple-cuckold hubby a common name -- Joe.

But nobody is really interested in Joe here, let’s be frank. You all are here to read about the nymphomaniac Angelica!

And I am here to provide reasons why a woman would sleep with the below different types of guys.

Corporate Bosses: To get ahead in one’s career, using one’s legs instead of head. There are weird women out there who believe one earns promotions between hotel room bedposts.

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Workmates: There are people who spend many working hours together, and end up forming an unhealthy bond. The next thing you know, during team building, they are doing ‘convergence.’

Rugby Player: Angelica clearly believes that power on the field equals male power off the field. And when a chance came to bed a big rugby player, well, she ran with the balls.

Rugby Heckler: Sometimes, when waiting for the right rugby guy to come along, you drink too long with some LOUD mouth on the stands.

And wake up in his flat in Jamhuri.

Basketballers: Many women prefer tall men (like Silas there to my right is quite tall). Angelica was no exception. How do we know? She chewed three of them, as per her confession.

TV anchor: In these days of social media, being on television, especially as an anchor, is the real aphrodisiac. In many women’s minds, being on TV = being a celebrity.

Former Comedian: The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and the way to a woman’s bed is through her mouth, by making her laugh.

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Ha, ahhh, Angelica!

Thespian: Angelica decided to be the co-star in some actor’s bed. What a show!

Playwright: Everyone knows some women called sapio-sexuals prefer artistic, creative types of men.

Club DJs: Angelica also got a couple of club DJs to spin her deck. I guess if you go out late, get wasted, the DJ may pack you at dawn, along with his ‘playing’ equipment …

Paediatrician: So you take your baby to his/her doctor, and you end up letting the Doc give you an injection?

Church Member: Every good Christian knows the Proverbs about the wicked married woman who leads a man down the rabbit hole of Sin? Well, one of Angelica’s church members found out she’s no angel, lol.

Ben Tens: Because she is in her late 30s now, and with money, she had the cougar-like energy to entertain about 19 young men during her Reign of ‘Tanga Tanga’ terror.

Makanga: Then there are those married women who cannot resist a flirtatious lout of a tout.

Kamiti Inmate: I saved the worst for last. These women turned on by criminal types, locked in maximum prisons for heinous crimes, what’s wrong in their noggin? Maybe Angelica will visit the psychotic Naftaly in remand – just to get a little taste.

Credits roll up to Whitney Houston’s song: ‘I’m EVERY woman, it’s only me/ anyone you want done, baby, I do ‘em naturally …’

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