I am really surprised at how things change. I am not sure whether this has come with age or maybe I have just lost hope in the little things that come with falling in love. I still can’t believe I sat still and had no expectations when the whole world was celebrating Valentine’s Day last week. That was so unlike me. Back in the day, I would always wait for this day with bated breath. By January, I would already have details on what day of the week Valentine’s would fall and all Valentine’s offers would be at my fingertips. Not any more, this year, I just sat emotionless on my desk at work staring into space thinking about other things other than this day.
I think I have really grown. I just can’t believe I no longer throw tantrums on days such as this when I don’t receive anything for the celebration. It’s true, love matures with age. If I start explaining to you the types of tantrums I used to throw back in the day, you all will start judging me. So I will just sit here and pretend that I have been mature all along. Come to think of it, if only you could meet my solid ex, they would sure tell you who I really am. When I say solid ex, I mean that one son of a man who saw me in both my worst and my best. He who held my hand when I didn’t even know how to use a phone or a computer.
He actually taught me how to cut and paste whatever. I must admit that like a potter, he moulded me to my best. The only problem is after the moulding, instead of making good use of me as he was supposed to, he placed me on the front shelf in a busy mall without a price tag. He made me a free gift to any shopper who shopped the most. Just like that, we were separated. We have both suffered a great deal away from each other but that’s just about it, we are not getting back. Anyway, before I went astray, I was telling you how much he would have to say about my tantrums if you met.
Those who meet me now smile and give me a round of applause telling me how mature I am. My friend, if I were to play back my life for you, you would hold the back of your head with both your palms with your mouth agape as you catch your breath. I am that lady who used to wake up and cry just for your attention. I am that lady who used to cook and refuse to eat with no reason. If ever you were told about the queen of ‘Nil by mouth’, I am here to say it was me. But see, just see how much I have changed. This thing called love can sometimes humble you, especially as your age progresses. I am however not saying I have reached that age where marriage is referred to as a rescue mission. I still have standards that have to be met in any relationship. Just because I let things pass, it doesn’t mean I am open for any relationship that comes forward. If anything, love has humbled me but it has equally made me picky. I might smile at you and bring your heart closer but baby, you are far from the finish line.
I still have the guts to say no even when everyone expects a yes from me and vice versa. I am at that point where uncertainty rules my love life though focus is maintained. When you see me look emotionless on Valentine’s Day, it isn’t because of lost hope but because of the focus that I have gained in the years. I have come to the realisation that above all, love should be patient. The patience that I exhibit in love lately deserves a gold medal. You can go a whole two days without calling to even say hi and when you finally call on the third day, I will gladly pick the conversation from where we had left it. Back then, the messages I would have sent you after an hour of not calling me were enough to publish a book with a very bad title. I think I have grown up, I am now ready to have in laws and look at them through wooded glasses.
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