Its 6.00pm in the evening. Every text I send to Becca are laced with I love You emoji’s, winks and a light heart that makes me forget her absence. I’m seated on the couch, thinking about Becca, the way she makes my heart glow wild with man hood ecstasies. She is my jbber, atoti, osiep chunya, Omukhana omumiliu, the breather of my breath, the science to my fiction, M?tumia ?r?a ngwenda k?hikia. I miss her. In the middle of texts, I get an incoming call from Jules. Seeing her call, throws me back to the last conversation we had earlier in the day, at first I hesitate to pick it up.
“Hi Phill. Kindly check your email, I have sent you a scanned copy of Becca’s resignation letter”
"On it ASAP, thank you Jules...”
"You are welcome Phill, enjoy your night."
There was something about Jule's phone call that made my veins grow cold, almost causing a panic attack, my body shuddered. On my phone, notifications from Becca’s chats kept on reverberating in the eerie house with a tingling sound that I grew accustomed to, yet it scared me altogether. She's texting one too many texts at once.
"Baibe. Baibe. You there?"
"Yes love, I'm here, was making myself a cup of coffee, it's rather cold here." I lied.
"I love you so much, I wish I was there my honey bunch." She texted back.
"I love you more, honeysuckle...”
As I took deep breaths, I opened my Gmail account, and I hoped the document could be something worth the while. The first phrase that hit my eyes were, *REF: RESIGNATION LETTER*. I didn't bother to read the details, I simply scrolled down to the bottom, to see it neatly signed with, *yours faithfully, Rebecca Mbugua*. I switched off my gadget’s data connection. Instantaneously I gave out a sighed chuckle, "huh, really?" there was a war coming, it was raging, somehow I felt that it would strike with a thunderbolt lightening, I didn't want to be on its way. I didn't want it to find me unawares under the bed sheets, getting mushy mellow, saying couples of I love you and I miss you to the girl that right now had begun forming a sludge in my throat. A war was coming, I needed to be ready and steady. So I kept my cool, and sat down on the couch as I went over the details of the alleged resignation letter.
I read every sentence of the letter. I made sighs, I chuckled, 'cause everything in this damn piece of document was literally amusing. I took my phone and sent a text to Becca.
"Hey, Baibe, when are you coming back?"
In the letter, she only wrote one reason for her resignation. She stated something along the lines of finding greener pastures. She even had the audacity of thanking the organization for accepting her and making her a part of the organization’s family. She said, "It’s rather unfortunate, but it's time for me to explore myself and move on to a new venture". Deep inside I only asked one silly degenerate question, "why didn't she thank me in her resignation letter, after all, it's me who got her the job in the first place." So greener pastures, huh!? Exploring herself?? These were the boldly highlighted words in my mind.
"Baibe, I already told you. Why do you keep asking about it?"
"Been wondering, maybe if you've found some greener pastures, I'll understand, if you want to explore yourself..."
"Baibe, where's this coming from...?"
"Nowhere, that's me trying to keep an open mind..."
"Baibe you sound so weird and high... you sure you're okay? Or is this a way of telling me you don't want me back..?"
"As matter of fact, if I don't want you back I'd let you know...."
"Unlike you, if you were planning on leaving a company, you could've been generous to tell the guy who got you in the company..."
"So is that what's all these is about? Where did you find out about my resignation?"
"Does it matter? Why the hell did you resign? Why did you not tell me? What the heck are you doing at home in the first place?"
Twenty minutes elapsed before her replying. My veins were really getting worked up. I imagined her typing and deleting texts for she couldn't find a good reason to tell me. I imagined her fingers shaking as she typed, her eyes getting watery, tears at the brim of them, she always does that whenever we argued. It always made me comfort her with: "Baibe its okay, I'm sorry, forget about all of that, I love you." But not today, I wanted answers. So I sent another text.
"You know what Phill, I'm not in the moods for your idiocy of arguments...”
Did she just call me by first name?? Forget it, maybe she was just pissed off.
"Baibe, Come on, we always talk about everything, we agreed no secrets."
I sent her the text, but wasn't delivered. Waited for an hour, it wasn't delivered. Decided to give her a call, but the crazy woman at the other end of the line told me to leave a message after the tone. She had switched off her phone. I tried calling after every 30 minutes, the phone was still off.
As eager as I was, I reached out to her colleagues at work, trying to ask them if my Becca said anything about leaving town and what reasons did she have. No one came through. They had this weird piece of crap about no snitching. All five of her close friends said nothing, until when I gave up, and decided to sleep it off, when one of her workmates, called, and warned me not to say anything, that she just wanted to help me. I said I promise, I was desperate for information, if she wanted my heart in return I would offer it to her on a plate without hesitation.
"I heard she’s attending her own wedding back at home...”
"I don't know, she didn't mention."
The call ended. As heavy as my burdens became I decided to sleep everything off, concluding that it's just one of those nights.
In the morning, I decided to go through her stuffs, to check if she left any reason behind. Searched over the closet, clothe by clothe. She might have dropped some sort of a goodbye letter. I went through her documents and books, and work stuffs, but I found none. I sat on bed, thinking. Opposite me, stood a blue wooden shoe rack. Her shoes neatly arranged. She always arrange them according to type and color. But something was different. One of her blue doll shoes was missing. The first place I looked was under the bed, there was nothing. Maybe the absence of just a shoe meant nothing.
I laid on the bed, thinking about her. Turned around and took her pillow, and rested my head on it to feel the remains of her perfume. It wasn't as soft as usual. It had a hard protuberance formed on its epicenter. It was infuriatingly disrupting, made me livid. I took off the pillow case in an attempt to get the protuberance all leveled. To my surprise, Inside, laid a black polythene paper, which had wrapped something. Carefully I unwrapped it, only to find the missing doll shoe. Beside the shoe, there was a pregnancy test kit that stared blankly at me, as if I perturbed its resting place.
The pregnancy test read positive. That didn’t even make any sense. I know it was possible for Becca to be pregnant. But my Becca? If at all she was, the Becca that I know of would proudly break the news to me. But this, I don’t understand. Why would she hide? Why leave? Maybe it wasn’t hers. Maybe it belonged to one of her colleagues… Maybe she still loves me.
I smiled at the thought.
... Part III on the way
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