Feeling angry is very normal, natural and there is nothing wrong for feeling this way.
It is what you do with it that matters.
The thought of someone doing something that you could never do to them brings about resentment and anger in relationships.
If resentment is not dealt with accordingly, it leads to anger which can spiral out of control. To stop it from escalating to anger, try to be empathetic, understanding and take it from their perspective. This will make all the difference.
That said, should you or your partner be harboring angry feelings, here are ways you can deal with them.
1. Calm down
It is never a good idea to talk to your partner when you're boiling. Take a few minutes out even if it means taking a walk alone to calm down and clear your mind. This will help you focus on the matter that made you angry and you will be at a better place emotionally to talk it out without losing it.
Chances are, you may have overreacted or judged the situation wrongly therefore give your partner a chance to explain himself. It may turn out to be nothing serious. Play out the whole scenario in your mind if you can and pick out the issues that still need to be accounted for and talk it out amicably and calmly. Sometimes what we hear is different from what is being said. Get the context right.
3. Time out
If you find yourself not moving past the feelings of anger, ask your partner for some time out to cool off. This will prevent you or your partner from saying hurtful things that can potentially destroy the little that is left. Decisions made at this point may work against your relationship and if not careful can lead to separation stemming from one person's angry remarks.
4. Own your anger
Despite the root cause of your anger, own it. It is you who is feeling it and is a reflection of what's going on. Deal with the issues and not the person who may have annoyed you. Like any other emotion, control it. Take charge.
5. Focus on the present
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When one is angry, expect anything. Fights will not be fair and people's feelings will be hurt. Knowing this, it is important to focus on issues at present. No matter how bad you want to make a point, don't bring up past problems despite how much you want to apportion blame. Stick to what got you there in the first place and tackle it like adults.
Most times, anger stems from past incidences that went unresolved and keep popping up in different ways. The best thing you can do for yourself and partner is to forgive yourself and partner when they're on the wrong. This will not only free you emotionally but it will help you to move on and fight fair.
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