The ABCD of why you must not cheat

Last year, as part of a Goethe literary programme called ‘RIP’ (Readings In unusual Places) we visited Langata Women’s Prison just before Valentine’s, to give creative writing lessons to any interested inmates.

The incarcerated ladies had laid out a nice feast of tea, samosas, cakes and mandasi for us; and after we shared this, we proceeded to the prison library which is sparkling clean if a bit thinly stocked.

Also, the wardens seemed to care about their charges, whom they referred to as ‘clients.’

I met my former Law Dean (now SC Justice Jackton Ojwang)’s former PA in Campus, now in for life for the arranged slaying of her husband. I remembered her from twenty years before – a beautiful young woman (and the only consolation for going to see Law Dean Jackton Boma Ojwang). Any of us young ‘un students would have married her in a heartbeat – unaware that she had the capacity within to stop that heartbeat forever.

I also met the young woman, Ruth Kamande, who last week was found guilty of the murder of her boyfriend, Farid, whom she stabbed multiple times at his house in Buruburu. He was only 22. Ms Kamande struck me, pardon the pun, as a pretty, intelligent young lady (save for the occasional psycho 1000 yard stare, but that vacant look could be the emptiness of the future). Which brings me to the point I want to explore today.

What are the consequences of cheating on a partner?

Today I want to address the ladies on this question, because it is one I got in my fan mailbox.

A young married woman, 27 – (let’s call her Sue, because ‘Sue’ is such a generic name) – asked my advice about cheating on her hubby. Not IF she should, or WHY she wants to do it, but rather, WHAT would be the consequences if he found out?

‘Not that he will find out,’ she added cockily. ‘You men are clueless, and we don’t forget receipts in handbags, or messages on our phones! But I may want him to find out …’ Why a woman might want her man to find out she is dogging him, I will dodge the motives, and leave it to the dodgy Beryl Itindi above to explore as a topic with you, one day, if she so wishes.

But men who are cheated on by their partners may react in one of these ways.

Alcohol

He may take solace for betrayal and a severely wounded ego in the bottle, especially if for some reason he cannot react in any other more aggressive/ decisive manner.

So what you will have in the house is a sot – the sort of fellow who starts the day off with a tot, then comes home dead drunk on daily basis.

Battery

Some men will respond to acts of wifely treachery by turning to violence. And batter the woman black and blue – that is the ugly truth. The thought of their woman being with another sapien provoke feelings of jealousy and rage in their hearts, and like those recent volcanoes in Hawaii and Guam, wham!, they simply explode.

And hurt you bad.

Cheating

‘Revenge cheating’ is not exclusive to women.

If a man who is otherwise attractive to ladies, either because of looks or money wise or celebrity, is cheated on, it may give him licence, or even excuse, to become a ‘man whore.’

Such chap may even become those cheats of ‘madharau,’ where you find a woman at home.

Divorce/ Desertion

If you are dating, and he finds out you are cheating, he may simply disappear from your life.

If you are hitched, he may file for divorce on grounds of adultery – and then it is lawyers, custody fights, property battles, and all the pretty paraphernalia that comes with it. In any case, if Sue does decide to cheat, I told her she should be prepared to either have an alcoholic, prepare to be beaten, cheated on, or conclusively dumped.

Back to Ruth Kamande: at the end of our workshop visit last year, I gifted her with a signed copy of my book ‘Princess Adhis & the Naija Coca Brodas,’ a crime noir with adultery and murder.

I suspect she enjoyed the novella, but not the ending. One of the main characters ends up getting a lengthy prison sentence, because reactions have consequences.