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Why marriages don’t seem to work anymore

Marriage Advice By BERYL ITINDI

Have you ever wondered why most marriages go beyond ‘teething’ stage these days? I may not have an exact answer to that but I do at least have an idea of where the rain started beating us. You know back in the day, our parents viewed marriage as a holy union that no man could interfere with. That is not the case anymore. In this generation, even objects - leave alone man - have powers within them to break a marriage. I tell you a simple shoe placed in the wrong part of the house is enough to end a marriage and on very tough terms.

We have been brought up, or better still empowered, to believe that we are always right and any other person is just confused. It’s no wonder that the other day I witnessed a relative advising his wife to move her refrigerator from the living room to the kitchen claiming it’s placing there was a sign of backwardness. This alone escalated to an argument forcing me to chip in with my two cents and save the day. I mean, if couples can terribly disagree on where to place basic household appliances, then there is trouble in the institution. All the more reason I am afraid to get married.

What if one night my husband sleeps on my side of the bed? I am almost sure I will sulk for a whole week and that action will be enough to earn him a sermon from elders. Was he planning to endanger my life by making me sleep on the side that’s next to the door? What if a stray lion walked in? Don’t give me that look, we have all seen how adventurous our lions can be. I am that petty because everyone around me is petty, I am now just trying to fit in.

This same attitude towards everything has resulted to marriages that know nothing about growth. Couples are always depending on one partner to do all the work as if they are working towards different goals. Why get married if you and your partner are headed in different directions? You are the reason we are raising a confused lot that can quickly choose which parent to live with given the chance. During our days - I mean my childhood - I would get confused if not hysterical when someone asked me which one between my parents was the better one. Try that with this generation and the child will quickly give you an answer without thinking twice or blinking an eye. They will even go ahead and give you reasons.

Couples can no longer give children direction because they probably have different missions. Gone are the days when a partner would watch the other discipline a child and support him. Try that now and if you are not ambushed by your spouse in the culprit’s presence, then chances are they will sulk just like me for a whole week and influence the children while at it. I encountered a case where a father had to plead with his own daughter to talk to him after she went silent on him in solidarity with her mother.

It’s worse when it comes to investments! Each partner wants to invest on their own and even without the knowledge of the other. I mean who are you working for? Both of you cannot claim to build two different retirement homes as if you both plan to retire to different places. I still cannot understand why some couples compete as if marriage is a race. Pride is the number one culprit in this case. I am not married, probably because my generation was caught up between the younger generation and older generation.

Now those who are supposed to propose to me and walk me down the aisle are somewhere competing with their exes on who will laugh last. My friend, until you marry me, your ex will always laugh last.

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