I am sure most of you met this letter online a few days ago:
He is not my type!
I am a 26–year-old woman and my parents died when I was 14. I dropped out of school because no one could afford to pay my fees. I met a guy when I was 16 and he sent me back to school. He sold fruit on the street so that he could pay my school fees. He later got a job as a truck driver and sent me to university. I am now working as a lawyer. My problem is I feel that I cannot continue with this relationship because this guy is not the type of man I would like to marry one day.
How best can I tell him that he is not my type without hurting his feelings? I am grateful that he sent me to school but I can’t be in a relationship with him anymore. I want somebody in my own class not a truck driver. Please help
After reading your cry for help, I am beginning to doubt that you are a lawyer. You are either hopelessly naïve or are being somewhat economical with the truth. You tell us that you met a guy when you were 16 and yet you do not tell us where you met him.
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You did not tell us that whether it is a visit to his fruit stall that triggered his empathy and compassion leading him to such acts of sacrifice and selfless. Kwamashu, you might know this but the location of your first meeting with a man has a huge bearing on his future assumptions and expectations.
For us to give you the right advice, you need to give us a bit more information. You have not provided us with sufficient detail about what actions on your part compelled this man to help you and not any other needy and orphaned 16-year-old girl. Something tells me that you must have done or said things that really touched the man’s heart and/or body and led him to make such enormous sacrifices for you.
Kwamashu, you might know from your History lessons (which I believe you aced to make it into Law school) that since time immemorial men have been known to toil, labour and even go to war all because they want to stake some claim in softer, cushier parts of the female anatomy. I suspect that this might have been the case in your situation.
You do possess a certain female coyness and I do like how you have conveniently thrown the all-important detail of being only 16 when you started your relationship with him.
We are all familiar with how women are elastic in their truth when it comes to all matters age and also know that sometimes 16-year-old women can do amazing things for the male psyche. It is therefore important that you tell us what part of the man’s body you touched so hard that he had no choice than to devote his life to your prosperity.
Kwamashu, your note is clouded with a lot of mystery and vagueness and especially in the use of the word ‘relationship.’ Maybe since you are so stressed, you forgot to provide crucial details on your relationship. You might have been trying to skirt around the issue just like Bill Clinton when he said, “I did not have intimate relationships with that woman.”
The whole world knew he was lying and I put it to you that you too are lying. You are not telling us that you possibly have been on dates with this man, you probably have cooked and cleaned for him and done many other things that people in a relationship do.
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Heck! Maybe you might have even allowed him to call you bae from time to time or to introduce you as the girl he plans to marry. If the above facts hold true, then you need a totally different type of advice. You need advice on how to break up with a guy, not advice on how to manage the class issue.
Kwamashu, I believe all Law students go through a course that teaches them at least some fundamentals of Finance and Accounting. For this reason, I believe that you are familiar with words such as return on investment, assets and liabilities. This man does not appear to be social do-goober or philanthropist so I will assume that he approached your relationship much in the same way most men approach their relationships with women.
Most men believe that any time, money and resources they spend on a woman should generate a reasonable return on investment. Even when a man does something as mundane as buying airtime, or some quarter chicken from Kenchic, he expects some form of return.
It is only fair and fitting that this fruit seller turned truck driver is expecting you to deliver - preferably as wife material. Kwamashu, you sound to me like you led this guy on and might have used some trickery and deception along the way to get even more investment from this guy - who knows maybe he now has numerous liabilities with your name on it.
However, since you are clearly not being completely forthright in your submissions, here is my advice to you. First, stop using class as a reason to dump your sponsor. Class is not something you get because you acquire a degree, it has more to do with breeding and upbringing.
Kwamashu, you are just a 26-year-old newbie lawyer, and based on the way you presented your facts above, I am not convinced you have the makings of a great lawyer - so you need to calm down and lose your delusions of grandeur.
Second, you need to stop using the orphan sob story to hide the fact you used your feminine wiles to get a man to spend his lifetime earnings to help you reach your goal.
You now need to come clean and pay up by hooking up with the guy, or just come clean and tell him you are ready to move on. Third, Kwamashu be ready for some backlash. This man will not take it kindly that he has spent his precious time and resources on you and now you want to dump him. I suggest that you put away a tidy sum of money or get a real lawyer (one who is smarter and more seasoned than you are) to help you extricate yourself from the mess you are in.
Finally, now that you are a lawyer, I hope you will now stop taking money from random men and dumping them after use - this can get you into a lot of trouble in this country.