This week, Adah Muwanga from Uganda’s Ministry of Public Service made news for some rather interesting reasons. She, on behalf of the government I suppose, issued new guidelines on how public servants are supposed to dress.
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What I found somewhat amusing was that these guidelines were firstly being issued by a woman and secondly in Uganda. You see, women are expected to understand in some way that their fellow women have a lot exciting body parts to show and that their fellow women bask and revel in the attention they receive once they flaunt their best assets.
Uganda unlike Kenya appears to have come to terms with its people’s sensuality and sexuality — after all it is the home of Senga sexual tutoring and the racy Red Pepper. In fact, common folklore tells us that once your man or woman lands in the arms of a Ugandan man or woman — it is a wrap since this country holds the key to the world of pleasure magic. There was a lot of hue and cry about Adah’s directive, but closer home I have seen a number of churches issuing memos and bulletins to their congregations asking them to tone down their dressing.
It seems there is some simmering disquiet about how liberal and explicit modern day dress has become. There could be a number of reasons for this but I think that mainly it is because many modern day bodies are not made for showing — and so they are best left covered to protect the rest of humanity.
Women nowadays are notorious for pushing the envelope when it comes to dressing and today’s fashion gives them lots of choices to work with.
Many of them balk at the idea of being told what to wear and when to wear it and so you will find some women wearing spandex to funerals, bandage dresses to interviews all in the name of my dress, my choice.
What amuses me is that the very same women turn around and complain that men are not taking them seriously and view them as sexual objects. There is really no logical reason for women to assume that men will stop ogling, mezaring mate, at the first sign of cleavage or thigh; they come into this world fully equipped with these abilities. Therefore, if you want the same men to take you seriously, to perhaps offer you a job instead of a lay, then dress like a serious woman not like a tart.
In all fairness, there are simple rules for showing off flesh, which women have forgotten leaving room for the likes of Adah to introduce crazy rules. Cleavage is considered the low-hanging fruit of body display because as we all know many men cannot resist peeking at the promise of mammary pleasure. However, best cleavages to show are those that are perky and firm - boobs that make men have erotic thoughts.
Sagging, ashy skinned boobs are not good to look at since they send messages that they are slowly descending to the waistline or into retirement. What is even more scandalous is when women also decide to display their cleavage and their bras too - it really is a case of over exposure for the wrong reasons.
One of the great things about being an African woman is that the gods gifted us with bottoms of all sizes and with varying curvature and gradients. In addition to this, the gods granted a fairly sizeable male population that appreciates the female posterior and one that would do anything in response to an attractive posterior.
Recognising this, many women today like to sheath their bottoms in clingy fabric and spandex to attract attention. The problem with this is that behinds when left without enough exercise can get a bit gelatinous and wobbly and not too good to look at.
Sometimes it becomes quite garish to watch sodden bums being paraded around in the name of attracting attention. Just like in the attraction by cleavage operations, many times these same women decide to show us their undergarments often forgetting that no human being has ever mastered the art of making a butt crack look attractive.
As if this is not enough, we have a host of young men who have decided that they too can show us their behinds. They do this by sagging their pants and letting us see their sometimes too skinny, too dry-skinned and often too fat behinds. They forget that the only times when women look at men’s bodies with lust is when they come packed in six-pack containers, and in trousers that conceal underwear so that we can see the rise and fall of their toned buttocks. Anything else is a violation to the eyes.
So, while I think Adah might have gone a bit too far with her rules, I tend to agree that perhaps those who wish to dress sexually need to know that not all bodies are made for display and not all places and occasions are opportunities for body display.
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