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Of the one minute man- Men who do not last in bed

"Break me off, show me what you got, Cause I don't want, no one minute man," are lines from Miss Eliot's 2001's hit song 'One Minute Man' featuring Ludacris and Trina in one of the versions for the song. It is one of the best sing-alongs for women when they are feeling freaky in the early hours of the evening in a night club. They are lines that can intimidate men, especially those unsure of themselves in the sack. And according to women, it is a big population.

For all the tasteless and terrible jokes men tell about female sexuality and bodies, women have only and probably the best comeback: Perform. For a man who cannot perform is deemed as a letdown to humanity's two sexes. Granted, there are medical and psychological reasons that often can take a toll on a man, women hate men who happens faster than lightening.

Yet, this is the living and breathing elephant in many bedrooms across the country. A touchy issue that has put many marriages on the brink of a divorce. It fuels infidelity and marital strife. And it drives men into deep depression. But sadly, few men would dare open about their travails in the bedroom.

But man suffers within. Anytime a man arrives faster than expected, it is always a moment of deep introspection. A reminder of man's fallibility. It is the biggest insult you can ever tell a man: that is he is a premature 'ejaculator'. It connotes lack of ability, control and masculine authority. It can attract disrespect from the wife, should she fail to understand the reasons behind.

The rich also cry

Not so long ago, a female politician threatened to divorce her husband because he did not satisfy her in bed. She even contacted a popular tabloid threatening to expose the man. Meanwhile, she was also planning on replacing him with a younger man.

They have since resolved their issues and the man has since promised to roar in bed once again. We hope he does. But women have suffered in the hands of men.

Dropped him like a bad habit

It is probably the number one problem in relationships. Silvia Njoki a student at a local institution confesses that she once dated such a man.

"A minute was even too much for my ex-boyfriend. I had to drop him like a bad habit," she said.

Evelyn Clare a Ugandan living in Nairobi claims that she has had to come down to her man's level for the sake of harmonious living.

 

"I trained myself to get satisfied within his time frame," Evelyn told us almost proving the belief that Ugandan women will do anything to please their men.

While Evelyn was willing to compromise Emmy Stacious, a mother of one, left her first boyfriend due to sexual frustrations.

"My first boyfriend was a four minute man, I cheated on him once, dumped him immediately and never looked back," Emmy said. And times it can be a medical, if a mental case, as Maurine Chiluki, another Nairobi-based Ugandan student suspects that one of her ex-boyfriends suffered from a medical condition.

"He would get so excited and start screaming. I tried to help him but I suspect his, was a medical condition, "she said.

 

Agness Ndanu, says that she once dated one such man, it was regrettable. " He only came, when you are about to get ready to want more," she says. I would encourage him to try some more foreplay, use his tongue and other strategies. As long as he makes me come, before he does, I am fine. she says.

Men are keen, not to discuss the sensitive issue. And a few asked, would rather pass the question.

What various experts said

Change positions to delay ejaculation-Gertrude Mungai

Controversial sexologist Gertrude Mungai strongly advocates to changing positions after every five seconds.

"If a woman keeps changing positions, she can delay him from ejaculating and enjoy a longer intercourse, "she said.

Gertrude also emphasises that a man with such a problem should major on foreplay.

"If as a man you know you can't satisfy her as long as she wishes to go then it's important to spend a lot of time, before penetration, on foreplay until she is almost there," she said.

According to Gertrude, this is a common issue that men are willing to pay her for consultation in order to get help and advice on how to last longer while doing 'it'.

"While women are busy calling on radio for advice, men are coming to me personally and even paying huge amounts for consultation," Gertrude told us.

It is a psychological problem

There are a myriad of reasons. Pornography and masturbation have been blamed previously. But Kenyan experts, are not quick to point fingers at the culprits, should one get addicted to them.

Maurice Matheka, a sexologist, says the problem is chiefly psychological.

"For some men, more so those who started having sex at earlier age sometimes tend to think that sex is about them. And they grow with the mentality, way into marriage, they never want to change. So they are never keen on pleasing a woman," he says. Yet there is need for such men to attune themselves into considering the feelings of the woman as well.

This corroborated by Dr John Ong'ech, Assistant Director Reproductive Health at Kenyatta National Hospital.

"Sex issues are purely psychological. Especially for men, psychology plays a huge role in their sexual response. If they are having a conflict in the relationship or he is stressed at home or at work, it can affect him. Sometimes it is the issues of confidence and the pressure to perform," says Ong'ech, saying pressure sometimes can be counterproductive.

Besides, for those grappling with weight issues, and on medication for conditions such as diabetes can also play a big role

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