Girls, stop sleeping with stupid men

We all have a sister or a cousin married to a douchebag. A man who has a black hole where his brains are supposed to be. An egoist with a thinking capacity of a black bathing towel and as responsible as a pregnant hooker.

And yet we all have female relatives who embarrass the entire clan by marrying or having a child with a man who should be denied all conjugal rights in the world.

These men are so disrespectful, abusive, self-centred and contemptible that even if they died, you would feel like your boots got soaked in rain water but will soon dry. It is worse if they are rich, or have bank loans big enough to cheat us they are rich, but can still afford to treat you like the contents of an ashtray. You don’t look forward and actually dread meeting them because you have to restrain yourself from that animal urge to inflict multiple injuries upon them with a blunt object.

They are often talkative, dismissive. Only their opinion counts. They have short-tempers and always want everything their way. They see people as puppets they can manipulate as they wish. God forbid if they end up marrying your sister or favourite cousin. They will abuse her, cheat on her, manipulate her, even kill her. Yet it is strange that the more abusive they are, the more some women want to stay. God, can you tell us why?

I don’t know where women pick these imbeciles. But I have noticed that anytime I go out with a bunch of my very stupid friends, it is the biggest never-do-wells in the group who attracts the most beautiful woman. There is a strange alchemy between loafers and attractive women. It is like the biggest douchebags are the strongest magnets to the most beautiful women. Sometimes it is the well-behaved, prudish girls who are still innocent, who end up with these jack*s*es.

Generally, I’m very impatient with these kind of men. I avoid them totally, because I’m not good at pretending to have a conversation with a person I loathe, or despise. But inevitably a female relative or friend ends up with them. Some do get paged and the fool of course takes off. Some will never even buy the kid a vest worth Sh5 from Gikomba.

It is my favourite detective in fiction John Corey (created by Nelson De Mille in his novel Plum Island and has appeared in at least seven novels) who observed that women are bad judges of character. May be it is fear that traps them into abusive relationships. May be it is stupidity, who knows? Maybe abusive men are so good in bed that these women would rather stand the abuse and enjoy their ‘Mollis’ abilities.

But when a kid misses schools, or lacks in life because the father won’t provide and the mother is poor, it breaks my heart. I say this because I have seen kids with so much potential having their lives ruined because the father took off and the mother had no means.

Whereas I blame the stupid men, I have a favour I want to ask of women: can you just stop hitting the sack with men who don’t seem like they can make good fathers? You can have sex with them, right, but if it has to be unprotected, can you ensure that it is a man who will take responsibility. This is a decision you make when sober. Not during the heat of the moment. Do so for the kids. They need good fathers. And your relatives need reasonable in-laws.

If you can’t tell a douchebag from 50 miles away, I will teach you next week.

@nyanchwani [email protected]