Five rules to keeping off club perverts

It is virtually impossible to walk into a club solo without raising a few eyebrows.

It doesn’t matter that the night your favourite jazz band was playing at the club coincided with your BFF’s date night with her man and you decided to venture out alone. Woe unto you if you are dressed to kill for the outing. The narrow-minded just won’t buy it that you are only there for the music.

Consequently, you will earn yourself a ‘reputation.’ But the truth is, not every girl who hits the Nairobi night scene alone has ulterior motives. Circumstances notwithstanding, a night alone at the club doesn’t necessarily mean you are hunting for casual sex. If your objectives for the night don’t involve waking up in a cheap motel somewhere in River Road, the following steps might help you steer clear of the degenerates.

1. Keep off the counter

A pretty girl perched atop high counter chairs is every pervert’s dream. They will soon be swarming all over you with cheap and slurred pick-up lines. You might as well be holding out a neon sign that reads, ‘I am desperate and alone. Come get me.’

Granted, you can’t avoid the degenerates wherever you sit in a club, but the counter is a prime spot and  would increase those odds tenfold.

Find a table somewhere and politely inform any unwanted intruders that you are expecting someone. Works like a charm until the maitre’d starts to wonder why you are hogging a table for five,  and could make a fuss that gets you kicked out or drives you out of the club in disgust.

 2. No dancing

While traipsing a new joint’s offer on a solo sortie, you should probably not unveil your fluid dance moves, particularly if you are in a ‘riddimz’ kind of club. Those freaks know no boundaries! They will try to dance up behind anyone they can. Soon, cold hands will be slithering over where they shouldn’t.

3. Buy your own drinks

This is when you stick to your mum’s childhood warning against taking gifts from strangers. Buy your own drink girl, not because accepting the smiling guy’s offer from across the table will necessarily culminate into unsolicited sex of sorts, but primarily because the moment you sip that vodkatini he has bought, you are bound by the rules of universe to stay on and listen to every boring aspect of his sad life!

4. Don’t get drunk

This one is a no-brainer. Remember, your girlfriends won’t be there to swoop in and slap you out of your liquor-induced dizzying infatuation for a hunk you’ve just bumped into.

5. Have a reliable taxi guy

Anything can happen while you are out exercising your independence and you need a comforting assurance of a quick getaway or just the certainty that  you will reach home safely.

Your reliable cabbie will get you home safely whether you lose money in the club or pass out in the car.