How do you know she loves you back?

Dear Roxanne,

I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and I am concerned over her lack of affection. She never says ‘I love you,’ unless I say it first. She doesn’t initiate any physical contact, so I always have to be the one to kiss her first or hold her hand. It is really bothering me because I feel like she is not all that interested in me. If she was, she would want to hug me or kiss me more often to show that she cares. I have tried talking to her about it, but she says she is just not an affectionate person in nature. How do I get her to show me a little affection? Paul.

Dear Paul,

I understand that lack of affection from your partner can sometimes make you feel unloved, unwanted and lonely. However, you should put in mind that different people have different ways of showing affection. If there is no other indication that she might not want to be in the relationship, then she is just a little shy.

Expressing love is unique to each individual. She can express her love for you in other ways, like spending quality time with you. Some girls naturally assume that it is the responsibility of the man in the relationship to initiate all physical contact.

From what you have described, I gather that she does enjoy the physical contact because she doesn’t pull away when you initiate it, just that she never initiates it.

I would encourage you not to stop showing her the little romantic gestures. However, try and find a balance to avoid coming across as clingy.

You can also encourage her to show you affection by letting her know that it makes you happy when she hugs or kisses you out of the blues.