I'm pregnant but my boyfriend slept with his ex - what do I do?

Dear Coleen

My partner and I had the most perfect relationship - or so I thought.

A few weeks ago he confessed that on a drunken night he called his ex-girlfriend and slept with her . He claims he doesn’t know why he did it and it’s the biggest regret of his life.

The problem is, this girl has caused so much misery in the two years we’ve been together, from stalking on social media to stopping access to their daughter. Because of this he always says he can’t stand her, so I don’t understand how this happened.

He’s promised it won’t happen again.

I have also just found out I’m pregnant and at this point don’t know whether I can trust my boyfriend again.

Will things ever get back to how they were? Can relationships recover from this ultimate betrayal?

Coleen says

Yes, they can and I know couples that have done so.

However, it’ll take a long time and normally I’d recommend professional help in the form of relationship counselling.

But I don’t think things will ever be the same as they were – a betrayal like this does change a relationship.

If you’re prepared to accept that what he did was down to a drunken moment of weakness, and if he’s truly sorry, then give it another shot.

But he should agree to whatever conditions you lay down, whether that’s counselling or sitting down and honestly answering every single question you have about his relationship with his ex and what happened that night.

All you can do is try to see how you feel. In six months’ time you might decide you can’t forgive him.

But my most important piece of advice is, don’t make a rash decision when you’re angry and hurt. You’re also newly pregnant, so you’re emotionally vulnerable anyway.

And don’t worry about what other people say – it’s not their relationship and they’re not pregnant with his child.

Allow yourself some time to make a decision when you feel that you are more in control.