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Marriage Advice

The tongue can make or break a home

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A word has the power to change lives. Words have the power to destroy and the power to build up said the writer of Proverb; “the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit”. Words influence perception of self, others including our worldview and affect reactions and the outcome of goals. Careless words used badly can negatively impact your passion, lower your self-worth and self-esteem and sabotage destiny.

The popular saying that “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt .” does not represent the true picture because researchers are in agreement that verbal abuse has the capacity to destroy any individual. It affects emotions and if not well managed can result to severe stress, depression and devastation.

James in frustration, said; my wife is an expert in name calling and chooses to invite the neighbourhood to the “abuse party” at ungodly hours. It is annoying and most embarrassing to say the least! Janet on the other hand finds it difficult to heal from the wounds her mother inflicted; abuses and insults that many years later continue to rob her of her much need peace, sabotaging every intimate relationship.

Generally, individuals who are verbally abusive suffer from fear, trust issues, insecurity, inferiority and helplessness. These emotions are baggage accumulation as a result of pain and abuse from past relationships, sometimes which include childhood experiences. What is important is to recognise the pain and seek help, awareness is said to be the heartbeat of therapy. Once an individual becomes aware of their unwholesome emotions they can begin their path of healing. Emotions that are experienced also include shame, guilt, anger, fear and resentment.

Take a moment for self-evaluation and take stock; are your words building or destroying your relationships? Are your words filled with hope, inspiration and love or hate and bitterness? Words can be used to bless or curse, build or destroy, encourage or discourage. It is important to choose your words wisely even when you and angry. Words if well used can be revolutionising. Historically, great leaders have used the power of words to transform people’s emotions, in pursuit of their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Martin Luther King, Jr’s depiction of a “dream” were words that formed beliefs and destiny. You have the ability to use words to ignite change, transform your sphere of influence and inject love and positive influence among others and particularly your significant ones. Choose your words wisely and improve the quality of your life and your relationships.

If overwhelmed, remember the words of Steve Covey’s second Habit, “Begin with the End in Mind”. It is essential to use words and create a conversation that will move towards your desired outcome. That way it is a win - win situation for all. I would sum it up with the words of Napoleon Hill, “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”

The writer is a relationship expert and author. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke

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