Do you expect too much from your baby?

It’s natural for all parents to want their babies to develop and to exercise their skills. But it is important to recognise that the course of a baby’s development, particularly in the first two years, is governed by very powerful biological and genetic factors which have a momentum of their own and which you can’t alter.

You can’t make a baby walk before she is physically ready-before her nervous system, bones and muscles are sufficiently mature to enable her to balance and to move. She also needs to be ready in terms of confidence and in her desire to stand upright and to get moving.

Difference personality

Difference in personality will also affect the rate at which development takes place.Most stages in development, whether physical or intellectual, build on earlier stages. Trying to accelerate a baby’s development could mean that these intermediate stages are missed, and as a result, your baby’s development may actually be slowed down.

The important thing is to allow them to develop at their own pace. If you push her too hard, your baby may also become anxious and fearful, afraid to try anything in case she ‘fails’ and displeases you. This, too, will inhibit her progress.

Child rearing where no value is set on fun and no pleasure is taken in the aesthetically attractive things in life, can be as inhibiting as an over-stimulating approach.

In fact, bother over-stimulation and inhibition share the same drawback: they represent rigid attempts by parents to impose their own systems on children, regardless of their natural developmental needs and abilities.

What parents should do is take note of what their babies are naturally doing at each stage-such as playing with their hands, for instance, and build on this.

Give your baby pretty or jiggly things to hold; offer your own hands to play with; talk to your baby about how she is ‘waving’ or ‘clapping’; sing her songs. In these ways, what your baby is ‘programmed’ to do by her inborn abilities, is encouraged and fostered by the love and interest you show in her development skills.

Feeding, changing, bathing and general caretaking all take up a great deal of time-but also provide natural opportunities for the baby to learn. You probably don’t realise how much learning and developing are going on while you’re feeding or bathing your baby-you’re not involved.

But if you watch another mother do these things you’ll notice, for instance, the baby and adult take turns with each other, just as in adult conversation. The baby will suddenly pull away from the breast or bottle and gaze into her mother’s eyes and gurgle.

Development conditions

The mother will read this as a signal to start chatting to the baby, the baby will smile and kick in response. Then she’ll remember the unfinished business of feeding and go back to the breast or bottle. Mother will politely stop talking until the baby shows she is ready for the next exchange.

What parents do in the ordinary course of caring for, playing with and enjoying their babies, provide the best conditions for development.

You don’t have to give extra training programmes or be expertly trained yourself, to do the best for your baby.

Research has proved that ‘free and easy social interchange with an adult who make herself regularly accessible to the baby provided the best conditions for good progress.

Being ‘regularly accessible’ doesn’t mean constant attention; it means being available when needed by the baby and that could be just a few seconds. In short it is the baby who decides what ‘stimulation’ is necessary, not the mother or another adult.

It means working mums who are away from the baby some of the time, are just as good at ‘being available’ in this sensible way, as are mums at home all the time.

Good parents provide a free, safe environment in which the baby could actively play and explore, are available to be ‘consulted’ by the baby and are good at disciplining and controlling where necessary.