Are you one of those annoying visitors?

Are you one of those people who pop into people’s houses without notice because you are in the neighbourhood? If yes, you are the reason some of us have turned into pathological liars. Why, oh why, are you becoming the obstacle that will prevent us from everlasting life?

You call us on a lazy day and announce you are already at the gate and would like to pay us a visit. Don’t tell me visitors come with blessing because we Africans love direct blessings, not those that come in disguise.

Why would you pop into someone’s house unannounced and act so relaxed, not even showing signs of leaving in the next three hours or so. If you do not plan your days, some of us do.

There was a time I was forced to lock myself inside my bedroom for half a day because a friend popped in unannounced and when my help told her I was not around as I had requested her to, the friend decided she was not in a hurry and was going to wait for me to come back from wherever I had gone to.

To make it worse, she began calling after every 30 minutes inquiring how far I was. She literally held me hostage in my own house! Our lovely Komayole flats are not master en suite, so you can imagine the situation I was in when nature beckoned! The devil is a liar!

From that day onward, I resorted to lying about my whereabouts whenever I am called and the first question is “Are you in the house?”.

I once had to ask my neighbour to lock my house from outside with a huge padlock while I was inside to prove my absence after a friend texted me abruptly on a lazy Saturday morning telling me she was with her three male relatives in the hood and was coming to ‘pass time’ in my house as they waited to go and watch a football match in the evening!

She even made it worse by telling me that they had a serious hangover after busy night out and were hoping to find some soup in my house! I did not even reply the text, I just gave my neighbour a huge padlock and told her to lock me from outside. Why would someone ambush me with a battalion in full combat on a lazy day?

Courtesy demands that you at least prepare your host way in advance unless it’s an emergency, not a soup-drinking spree! When you pop into someone’s house unannounced, please expect any treatment without judging the person. If at all you find your host away, hit the road.

It’s not the end of the world after all. Do not camp in their house as if you are waiting for some relief food from the government.

Again, try not to spoil the ‘honeymoon’ for married couples on a cold Saturday morning. Do not assume everyone wakes up at 4am to do thorough cleaning and prepare heavy breakfast by 7am! As for me and my house, we will not open the door; even if you can hear the music we are listening to from outside.