In the past no woman would dare publicly declare herself a mpango wa kando, or a side chic, or a mistress. It was one of those things that were kept hidden, lest you got stoned and run out of town!
Wives despised them and society looked down upon them. In fact, they were called everything from Lucifer, to home wrecker, to slut, to loose women. But these days, they have been upgraded to the level of a ‘necessary evil’.
This is thanks in part to mipango ya kando being overly romanticised on our screens, with trending television series like Scandal, Being Mary Jane and Mistresses, which every living breathing woman who considers herself independent or modern, watches. All this shows glorifying the arrangement.
On television mipango ya kando can be described as nothing short of magical, so wrong but also so right; it’s no wonder so many Kenyan women are lining up for the job.
Currently, it’s all fine and dandy to be the mpango wa kando; you can get away with shouting about it from the rooftops or even introducing yourself as such.
Apart from television glorifying them, another reason this arrangement continues to flourish is because so many wives in Nairobi these days seem to have given the arrangement the green light so to speak. I cannot count the number of times I have heard my married friends declare, “I do not care if he steps out as long as I have the ring.”
And from what I can tell from watching this circus of madness unfold before my eyes, it is that this parasitic relationship seems to work for the wife who accepts this behaviour, the cheating husband and the side dish. It’s a win- win for everyone!
However, side dishes don’t seem to know their place.
Many a time we have seen and read about mipango ya kando expressing their disappointment in their married boyfriends for dilly dallying in making good their promise to leave their wives for them. Or having very little time for them. Oh boohoo, grow a pair!
It is really getting old because when a woman decides to enter into this kind of arrangement you should know what to expect, it really is not rocket science.
Well let me help those mipango ya kando who maybe have never heard about the rules of etiquette where they are concerned. They include, among others: knowing your place, which is in the shadows. Two, learn to resist the urge to be ‘discovered’.
Three, you are number two and the wife is number one in hierarchy, if you want to be first then find your own man. Four, even if he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t get funny ideas because nine out of ten men never leave their wife for a mpango wa kando.
Five, be ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, and his birthday. Six, never, I say never, call his wife or confront her.
Last but not least, never fall in love or ever get pregnant, if you decide to have a child in your mpango wa kando arrangement at least first make sure you are upgraded to second wife status!