Closing the generation gap

We are living in one of the most socially challenging times in the history of mankind. It is a time when the family social fibre is most strained.

More and more parents and their children agree that they simply cannot understand each other. This lack of understanding of social, moral, political, musical or religious opinions has led to lack of acceptance, and in some cases intolerance. This intolerance has often been the primary reason for family fights and break-ups.

The younger generation want to wear sagging jeans or miniskirts that barely hide anything, and pierce their eyebrows, noses and belly buttons. They want to have scary tattoos all over their bodies, and many believe that smoking pot is cool.

On a few occasions, they will hang out with their parents. However, 90 per cent of their time will be spent chatting on WhatsApp or some other form of social media.  At times, the young man will be wearing a hood over his head while listening to music through headphones.

The parents, on the other hand, are stuck in the past, and will keep comparing their children’s behaviour to how they (parents) behaved decades ago. These parents keep lamenting to all and sundry about how things have changed, and can speak all day long about the ‘good old days.’ They have serious differences of opinion with their offspring on almost everything.

This strain hurts relationships, causes sleepless nights, and could lead to parents giving up on their children. But as a mother or father, you must keep doing whatever it takes to narrow this gap. Giving up on your child is letting go of your responsibility, and may lead to more serious challenges in the future.

Here are a few pointers:

1. Stop finding fault

Many parents spend a huge amount of energy and time trying to find fault in their children. They will find fault in the way youngsters sit at the dining table, speak and even walk. Fault-finding will not only alienate your children, but will lead to a communication breakdown. Human beings will always be at fault if you judge them by your standards or perceptions. Do not allow your fault-finding to destroy relationships with your children, or with other people for that matter.

2. Engage constantly

Communication plays an important role in bridging gaps in every relationship. When we communicate respectfully with our children, we are letting them know that we are willing to do whatever it takes to reduce the age gap between us and understand things from their point of view.

Many a times, as parents, we allow our emotions to interfere with our communication. Listen from the heart and respect the young people’s views, no matter how much you disagree with them.

3. Have an open mind

When we become open-minded, we widen our horizons. When horizons are widened, we open the doors and windows of our heart, which gives us a new perspective. This helps us understand our children’s beliefs, values, priorities and habits. When we have a better understanding, we can have better strategies and chances of influencing them in the direction we want.

4. Accept that the world has changed

It takes a lot of hard work to understand the younger generation. We first have to accept that the ‘good old days’ are over, and that we now live in a different world. There may have once been a world with higher moral standards, and less of every bad thing we witness nowadays, but those days are gone. We need to accept today’s world as it is and acknowledge that there are some good things too.

5. Be a silent witness

Let your children have their way at times, as long as no one is getting hurt. Their winning some battles does not mean they have won the war against what is right. Observing their behaviour quietly can sometimes be an effective way of communication.

Photo: ynaija.com

The author is a life coach and founder of Peak Performance International   a human potential development firm: [email protected]