Parenting not for the faint-hearted

Children need guidance, forms of restraint, along with support and encouragement as they grow away from the shelter of the family and into adulthood.

But nature is a little careless about whom it allows to become mothers and fathers. Producing a child — in or out of wedlock — neither requires a test nor a license.

Young married couples often find themselves saddled with children, but they have had no training in the principles of parenthood, discipline, character building or communication.

These parents don’t intentionally make mistakes, but the children suffer the consequences regardless. Millions tackle the job of parenthood every year.

 Yet one of the most difficult and challenging tasks in life is to take an infant, a totally helpless being, and take full responsibility for raising her to eventually be a self-disciplined, productive member of society.

Most parents, however, stumble along, left largely on their own with occasional hints from psychologists and child experts.

Perfection in parenting

Most parents bravely battle toy-littered rooms and furious cries of ‘No!’.

Although the parenting problems change, they never end, and parents plunge on doing their best. They invest time, energy and money.

Yet, despite all their good intentions, some parents are disappointed in their children’s behaviour. They may throw tantrums, wet the bed, or argue. They may be lazy, uncooperative, or disrespectful and try their patience to the limit.

Parents may rightfully ask, “How can my children be so disobedient when I have tried so hard?”

Other parents hear about rising rates of juvenile delinquency, drug addiction and dropouts and uneasy thoughts cross their minds.

“Am I doing as good a job as I think I am? Have I given my child all the help she’ll need to guide her through this maze?”

As a parent, you should not feel guilty, however, or blame yourself for past mistakes in raising your children. You could have a PhD in psychology and still make a multitude of mistakes in raising your children. Considering the fact that most parents have received absolutely no training in parenting, they do a remarkable job, and it’s amazing their children turn out as well as they do.

Guilt feelings

Guilt feelings do not produce good parents, and the fact that you are daily studying to become a better parent shows that you truly care about your children.

Poor parents rarely make this effort or else make it when it is too late. So don’t dwell on your failures, and don’t reproach yourself when you fall back into old habits.

Instead, reinforce your own self-respect by recalling the times you have succeeded as a parent.

Recognise your inclination to make mistakes but do so without threatening your own personal value as a parent or an individual. This will help you keep up your courage.

Perfection in parenting is an unattainable goal. Improvement, however, is realistic. Watch, then, for little improvements.

Learning how to apply all the principles, each small improvement is a step forward. So when you try a new method and it works, be happy.

Photo: colorlines.com