Why you need to be yourself and genuine in your relationship

As a relationship coach, I meet many young men and women in search of love.  Interestingly, many ladies complain that they are not satisfied with their relationships but are afraid to tell the guys, for fear of losing them.  They have instead chosen to settle for what they get. 

It appears like women put men’s needs above their own in the hope that the relationship will bear fruit.

 Take Chebet for instance: “I was in this relationship for months. The guy was boring but I was afraid of telling him because I feared he may find me controlling. I did not want to blow my opportunity for a life partner.  I chose not to weigh him down with the truth about my feelings. 

 I acted up for so long I could no longer match up. Well am not sure it was worth it or helped because the relationship never made it to the finish line. I was struggling to keep it going and the relationship fizzled away”.

It is not unusual for one to reinvent themselves when they meet someone new whom they like and have dreams of “as long as we both shall live”.  Many times, one may choose to play the script of the person you think they are looking for and not necessarily who you know you are.

 It is easy to play sophisticated, simple, easy-going, quiet and agreeable or even mysterious.  You can manage putting up an act for a while but soon the masks will fall off. Imagine living with someone for over half a century and pretending to be who you are not, suppressing your natural self. It is totally impossible!

 Spending all of your time and energy trying to please everyone around you can be exhausting. By all means be kind, considerate, apply etiquette as appropriate.  Relax, you are not on a job interview, consider that you are simply making friendships and extending your networks. If the relationship moves to the next level enjoy the ride.

Be your authentic self and allows others to fall in love with the real you.  

Is it possible to find a balance between being yourself and what is expected of you?  Here are some tips:

SPEAK UP

It is healthy to have a level of common interests in relationships; it is equally as important to have your voice, opinion and pursue your interests. Your differences bring diversity into the relationship and should be considered strength and not weakness. Allow good communication so that your partner knows your stand on your beliefs, opinions, interests, and thoughts. When you do not speak up, resentment builds up and conflict becomes the order of the day.

YOUR INTERESTS MATTER

Many times individuals desire to make their partner’s happy and lose their identify in the process.

Whatever happens ensure that — even when you have common interests and friends — you have your own friends, interests and hobbies. Relationships enhance but are not intended to rid you of self.

FEEL SECURE IN YOU

Most people feel insecure at some point in their lives, which is fine.

 What is important is not to allow the insecurity to hold you captive. Recognise your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Remember nobody is perfect.

We are all a work in progress in pursuit of perfection.

Being your authentic self pays off! Enjoy being you, and thrive!

The writer is a relationship coach and author, Marriage Built to Last  You can reach her on;

www.jenniekarina.co.ke