Self worth and relationships

Self worth is our view of who we are; the value we place in regard to respect, admiration, pride and enjoyment. If it is positive, we become self-confident as a result.

Our partners can influence how we feel about ourselves by the way they treat us and relate. However, our internal sense of self can also make statements about how we perceive ourselves.

I like what Eleanor Rooselvelt said about that: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” How true that is!

Carl Rogers in his book, Becoming a Person, talks about conditions of worth and their importance in the person.

The attitude and self-picture that we bring into our relationships is what determines whether or not one will find joy, happiness, contentment and fulfilment. 

Indeed, having self-esteem and self-confidence in oneself is essential if you are to find meaning in any relationship. Before you find happiness, you must be content with the self.

While it’s true that a healthy and happy relationship should do you a lot of good in boosting yourself esteem and self worth, it can also affect relationships if one overrates or undervalues themselves. Many are guilty of this and it takes courage and awareness to face self and challenge the inner you.

Balance check

Does someone else need to acknowledge your worth to make you believe you are precious? Do you crave outside affirmation of your value most of the time? Do you easily accept compliments? Are you always criticising and putting yourself down?  Are you insecure and always focusing on your weaknesses and injustices done to you? Are you constantly making excuses for being abused? If you identify with most of the above, then your self-worth needs working on.

Before getting into a relationship, it is helpful to understand yourself — who you are, what makes you happy and why you react to situations the way you do. Often, the success of a relationship is determined by our attitudes and value system. Your concept of yourself affects how you think, how you perceive yourself and how you behave. It also affects your relationship with significant others.

You have probably heard it said many times that one cannot love others if they don’t love themselves in a healthy manner. When one is able to do so, they have self-respect and self worth not only for themselves, but also for those close to them.

Your self-worth doesn’t depend on others

Many people spend a lot of time thinking about how others view them, trying to live up to those expectations and feeling unable to match up. Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others expect of you, you lose self-worth. 

Avoid being in the company of people who are overly negative; those with a lot of regrets about their life choices and their relationships. Such people will do you no good. Instead, they prick your self worth and eventually leave you empty.

Power of attitude 

How you perceive yourself eventually becomes your reality. Resist the urge to put yourself down but instead, be gentle on yourself. If you have undervalued yourself for many years, it may be challenging to change your attitude, but it is possible. On the other hand, exaggerating your gifting may come across as egotistic and overconfidence. It is important to maintain a balance.