Are you a drama goddess?

Last week, I discussed surviving tricky marriage stages; the dream stage a period characterised with romance, passion, fantasy and energy, an exciting stage of every relationship. The reality is that this stage comes to an end as the relationship matures and the couple begins to get comfortable with one another.  The sexual energies slowly wear off and as they enter to next stage of the relationship, the drama stage, sometimes referred to as the disappointment stage.

Drama stage

This stage is characterised by disappointment, distress, power struggles, loneliness, regret, and other similar feelings associated with settling down. According to Hendrix, the decline of neuro-chemicals becomes evident and results in low sexual energies, too. Sex may become routine and not as enjoyable as it once was. Children — already born or expected — and increased responsibilities can give rise to all manner of reactions. Because of the challenges presented by this unavoidable stage, it is common for partners to reach out to past lovers at this point, opening the door to infidelity.

Janet had been married for three years and ready to throw in the towel, according to her, there was nothing left in the relationship, they did not agree about anything and are constantly fighting about every little thing.  Most couples enter into marriage, believing that they will never fight over anything because they love each other. The truth is that any two people placed together for whatever reason will, at one time or another, experience conflict just because they are different from each other.

They come into the relationship with diverse expectations.  When these expectations are not met, this brings disappointment and stress on the relationship.

However, finding a new partner is not the solution. Difficulties encountered must be used as learning experiences; they can unlock opportunities to deeper connections, intimacies, and fulfillment in the relationship. Some couples can find this stage extremely challenging. Many of them feel they have worked so hard on the relationship and are not willing to give it much more attention; they are generally ready for a break! At this point, desperation, disappointment, and hopelessness set in. Many of the couples that I have interacted with at this stage claim that “this is not the person I married” and that they have chosen to stay together simply because of the children.

FIDELITY

At a relationship seminar that covered topics on relationships and fidelity, many participants were shocked to discover just how attached they still were to their past lovers. Some admitted receiving phone calls from them on a regular basis and exchanging emails and text messages. They loved to hear that their former lovers still thought about them. They were thrilled to experience once again that fantasy feeling, which sent tingles up and down their spines! Exciting, yes, but very dangerous to the marriage relationship. At this point, it is important not to allow yourself to remain at this stage for too long.   It is important to have good communication, be open and compassionate to your partner.

Remain focused on what brought you together, whether you feel your partner or not and soon you will begin to discover one another which is the third stage of the Marriage Relationship that I will discuss next week.

Thrive in your relationship at every stage!

Photo: Courtesy