Most affairs are not about sex; they are about somethingmuch stronger.

<p><b>When an emotional human bond is missing or is weak in marriage, it is very easy to turn to an outsider who will share that human bond. </b></p><p><b>Soon, you are married but you enjoy chatting with that outsider more, you make time for that outsider more than for your spouse.</b></p>

Most affairs are about the emotional human bond.

When an emotional human bond is missing or is weak inmarriage, it is very easy to turn to an outsider who will share that humanbond. Soon, you are married but you enjoy chatting with that outsider more, youmake time for that outsider more than for your spouse, you play yourresponsibility as a spouse but then lean on that outsider for an emotionalconnection, you run to the outsider for emotional comfort when your spousehurts you, you scheme for dates and outings with that outsider, you get excitedat the call or text of the outsider.

This emotional human bond is so strong that even though youare legally and socially married to your spouse, your emotional loyalty is tothe outsider and so you start to hide or delete messages from the outsider andyou become defensive when your spouse warns you or tells you to keep off theoutsider.

You feel it unfair that your spouse, your pastor, your counsellor istelling you to leave the outsider who connects with you "better" thananyone else. This is why once an affair has grown emotional roots, it takes a lotof deliberate effort to break. It is hard to let go of someone who feeds youremotional needs.

It doesn't matter whether that outsider is a colleague, afriend, a married person also, a junior at work, not as successful as yourspouse; what that outsider offers is an emotional bond that is just between youtwo. This is why if your spouse cheats and you are wondering why your spousecheated with someone "lesser" or not as successful as you, you aremissing the point.

For some, this emotional bond with the outsider can be sostrong that they forget to play their role as a spouse and parent. The humanneed for companionship is so strong and sometimes leads people to do unhealthythings.

For some, this emotional bond with the outsider leads tosexual experiences to cement the connection, but remember, it is usually notabout sex. For others, they struggle to make sure it doesn't get sexual butthey know boundaries are being crossed.

The best way to affair proof your marriage is to have astrong emotional bond between you two so that there will be no need for anoutsider. Meet each other's emotional needs, be the person your spouse canflirt with, talk more than domestic responsibilities with, lean on, cry on,laugh with and be real with. No one wants to feel lonely in marriage.

If cheating has occurred, be it emotional or emotional andsexual; the best way to redeem your marriage is to revive your emotionalconnection, spend more time together, make each other feel special, make newmemories, move past the fall. It may be difficult at first, but if both of youare committed to nurturing the bond, it will be strong. A bond takes time tonurture.

We are most loyal to the one we share an emotional bond with.

© Dayan Masinde

In my book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men through thejourney of understanding themselves and their woman.

In my other book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with womenthrough the journey of self-discovery and how to relate with the man.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde,MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address tothe same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you todownload and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde,MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email addressto the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you todownload and read on your phone or computer.