My darling Kabbz,
When they told me you were no more, my body went into shock. I remember throwing my hands all over in despair and had to be restrained because I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Over and over again, I would ask God why me? Babe, I was inconsolable. I cried for four hours nonstop.
I felt totally helpless and told God if He wanted to kill us all, it was alright. Despite my anguish, God never abandoned me. He sent me human angels who stood with me. I truly thank God for friends, family and my boss for all their support after you left.
Remember I was about 21 days away from delivering our second baby. And guess what, she decided to arrive on the day we were laying you to rest. My labour started while we were having your service just before the final rites. They took me to a waiting ambulance but the midwife who examined me assured me it was safe for me to attend your entire service though they confirmed our baby would come that day.
The good thing is I had packed my bags earlier and I opted to stay in the hospital as I awaited our little princess. And true to form, Njoki arrived at 10.27pm that night after we had laid you to rest. I'm sad though since you didn't get a chance to meet our daughter, who turned three last month.
I remember how eager you were to meet her, and that breaks my heart. I named her Halia, which means 'in remembrance of'. Guess what? She has your beautiful brown eyes and loves music and singing too. And she is very pretty. She knows her daddy from the photos at home and recognizes your face when she sees you on TV.
Ulani too has become a big boy. He's turning six and is a ball of energy. Of course he remembers daddy only too well and wishes you were here to play football with him. Ula wants to be a DJ.
Kabbz, in my darkest days, I learned to put my trust in God, not man. Don't worry about us; somehow He has given us the strength to cope.
The first year after you left was unbearable. Now I understand this is a journey we will all have to take at some point.
Your memories keep me going. I truly miss your sense of humour, all the jokes you shared. Babe I miss your cookery skills, especially since last Sunday was Mothers' Day. I'm sure you would have whipped up one of your delicious recipes.
I miss your wit, charisma and the way you spoiled me rotten! I miss your little surprises like how you would fuel my car without my prompting and then sit back and watch me marvel at your thoughtfulness. Kabbz, I will never forget you. When I miss you, I play your songs and remember all the beautiful memories we shared. Sometimes I just take a drive to Langata Cemetery.
The five years I was married to you were the best years of my life. You were a selfless man who did not just help us but who reached out to others too. You were genuine and a sincere giver.
I'm in a place where I've learned to give everything to God. We really miss you so much and hope to see you in heaven someday.
Kabbz, I will always love you.
Your loving wife,