Couples sometimes realise, to their dismay, that there is no honey at the end of the moon after a wedding that cost the equivalent of funding KDF operations in Somalia.
Take the popular public figure and ‘entertainment guru’ who recently finalised his divorce. He confessed to his friends that he fell out of love during their honeymoon. He wed in 2009 and splashed around Sh3 million for his wedding with the bulk of contributions coming from friends and relatives. The man of considerable girth confessed to realising that they didn’t have any chemistry when they were left alone to enjoy their honeymoon.
He told The Nairobian that looking back, he married his ex-wife for her education. He wanted to prove to his father that, despite dropping out of college, he could still bag an educated lass. Despite mentally divorcing her during their honeymoon, he was patient not to bolt until years later. Indeed, it is not uncommon to fall out of love and actually initiate divorce proceedings before the honeymoon is even over. It has happened to several Kenyan newlyweds who cut short the thrills of their honeymoon after realising “until death do us part” is one long, tedious marathon in hell.
Most honeymoons last between one and two weeks with the loaded extending to a month of globetrotting. But for others, honeymoon marked the end of the marital road. Interviews by The Nairobian revealed that couples have separated, then divorced during their honeymoon, and for various reasons ranging from ‘acrobatic’ sex of the hitherto virgin wife whom the groom suspected was not so innocent after all. “Where did she learn all those styles?” the groom wondered, shaking his head. Here are other reasons for honeymoon divorces...
Chasing hotel skirts
Nancy Karanja, who works in communications, had dated for seven years after meeting and being an item in campus for four years. They had normal issues, but cheating was out of the question until Nancy caught her newly minted hubby in their hotel bed with another woman after she returned from a facial session during their honeymoon in Chale Island at the coast in 2014.
The woman was one of the waitresses and “I could not even wait for the honeymoon to end. We had only done one week there and had a week to go. I packed my luggage and came back home by road the same day. I did not talk about for a while despite efforts by family to try and reconcile us. I let him keep all the gifts from the wedding as I did not want to be reminded of that sad incident,” Nancy told The Nairobian.
Their wedding at Windsor Golf and Country Club cost Sh5 million mostly from friends and though her husband tried reaching out Nancy says she was done and couldn’t stand the disrespect even after family and their pastor tried to reconcile them. They are yet to finalise their divorce after separating two years ago.
Faking pregnancy for ring
Some men are wowed when the proposal is done, this time, with a woman down on her knees and a whole restaurant waiting to hear him say ‘yes!’ The plot gets even thicker if a man is guilt-tripped into proposing like James Lemayian, a lawyer. He had only dated his ex for eight months but by their second month, she had introduced him to her family and insisted on him meeting hers too.
“I went through with the wedding because I loved her, obviously, and I thought she loved me. I mean, she ‘proposed’ to me, albeit in a messed up way: She guilt-tripped me into proposing claiming she was pregnant,” Lemayian who has been separated for years now said.
“Their problems began a day before their wedding when she told me she wasn’t even pregnant and that it was a false alarm. He considered disappearing but he did not want to embarrass his family especially since his father is a pastor,” he said, adding that “Our honeymoon trip to the Maldives was awkward as we did not talk to each other. We slept in separate beds and did things separately,” recalls James who has since moved on despite his family not forgiving him as they wouldn’t figure valid reasons for the breakup.
When secrets run deep
Jane Nzisa, a mother of two, was disappointed by a man she had known for seven years and married at the Attorney General’s Chambers in Nairobi. “We went out drinking during our honeymoon in Zanzibar and he produced weed out of his pocket raising a red flag as I didn’t know him that way. Three days later, he stole from me and disappeared,” recalls a teary Nzisa, who later discovered she was pregnant with twins upon her return to Kenya in 2012. The twins are now four years old and “ I have moved on but my children keep asking about their father.”
Let’s meet on wedding day
Jeeta Patel was only 21 years old when her father introduced her to her husband. That was 19 years ago when she got to talk to him on their wedding day, but during their honeymoon in Mumbai, Jeeta realised she couldn’t live with her husband. “My ex-husband thought that our marriage certificate gave him license to treat me like property and do whatever he wanted. He blatantly disregarded my feelings and even made for me all decisions including what I should eat. I felt suffocated,” Jeeta said. As if that was not enough, the husband beat her up and kept threatening to call her parents to tell them that she was not submissive. Jeeta is now married to a European man based in the UK. Her family does not talk to her anymore.
Dry like a maize cob in bed
Alex Kisiani, a 38-year-old city accountant separated with his wife during their honeymoon in Zagreb, Croatia because she was smelly and ‘dry like a maize cob in bed’. “I met my ex through Facebook. She was studying in Europe we were both young (23) and wanted to carry on our relationship for more than a few weeks at a time. It was expensive to keep flying halfway across the world, so we decided to take the plunge,” says Alex who regrets not ‘testing the waters’ before tying the knot.
His wife, he says was very brilliant, but lacked basic knowledge on romance and hygiene. “I felt guilty that she had actually financed our wedding, paid for our honeymoon and even bought my parent a car but I could not stand her body odour and clumsy bed habits. Heck, she could not even shave her armpits, “Alex revealed. The couple disconnected during their honeymoon and while Alex returned home his ex-wife remained in Europe.
Impotence, the flaccid spanner in the works
Lina Toroitich was perturbed when their lavish Sh7 million wedding was followed by cold, lonely nights. “I was expecting all the action but he came up with an excuse that he was still tired which went on for a week,” says the woman who had dated for 15 months without premarital sex because “ he was very strict.”
Lina confronted her hubby who had previously broken with two other women and “he confessed that his impotence was the reason his other girlfriends left”. When they came back from their honeymoon, Lina summoned both families and informed them about their issues. She chose to leave and was supported by her family. Her in-laws on the other hand were so bitter that they demanded their bride price back.
Other reasons for quick-fire divorce besides impotence include a mismatch in family or social status, too much interference from extended family, lack of emotional compatibility, one partner being more conservative and disagreements over post-honeymoon plans.