[Photo: Courtesy]

“If I were to die today, I think my only regret would be that I never shagged a man younger than myself”, said my 40-year-old divorced friend. I jumped into the moment to advise her to treat herself to a college boy someday, but she laughed it off and said that she always found their tight cigarette-like pants a bit ridiculous and their language so off-putting.

But like many women her age, she has been looking at it all wrong.  Sex isn’t a maths assignment or an inter-gender debate competition; your partner doesn’t always need to be an intellectual.

When you feel they are talking dumb, just shove their heads between your thighs…that ought to shut them up for some moments, ama?

The cougar-boytoy relationships have always been frowned upon in society because clearly, the patriarchal rule makers didn’t want women to have fun in life and well, ladies didn’t have jobs back then.

But now, ladies are doing well for themselves and surely, buying roller-skates, colourful circumaural headphones or sneakers here and there to make a young man happy isn't much of a big deal considering the advantages.

For one, these young boys take great care of their bodies, most are just the right amount of slim to meander through fleshy thighs, with just a considerable degree of parting.

[Photo: Courtesy]

Older guys with their wide waistlines and beer bellies will strain your adductor muscles so bad, it will make you feel like you were holding a cupboard between your thighs all night long; that is if their one sex style every Saturday at 10pm won’t kill you with boredom first.

Also, these boys were suckling their mothers' tits just the other day, so surely, they must know their way around a woman’s body quite well, no?  What they don’t know, they are usually eager to learn with so much enthusiasm because they are mesmerised by you, so they always want to impress.

They know they bring nothing else to the table, except their sexual services, so they want to be the best they can be at it. They don’t cower in shame and embarrassment when you tell them you didn’t orgasm.

They will keep on working on you like you are their holiday assignment until you get the end result you desire. And they are proud of you and view you as a goddess because at that particular point, you are their greatest achievement.  

These boys will always keep you on your toes. I mean, you aren’t competing with boring Suzanne from accounting; your competitors are university girls with scintillating skin and supple tits, so you normally do your best to look good.

If the multiple orgasms wouldn’t kill your fat, you will be out there struggling in the gym to lose weight to fit into that bandage dress and balance on heels.

Not that they even care whether you are in sweat pants, but their presence just makes you wanna keep up.  And I believe their youth rubs off on you. Look at Jennifer Lopez for example. She has always dated younger men and forever, she is out there not aged a day past 25, looking like she drinks and bathes in the blood of virgin girls.

[Photo: Courtesy]

Unlike these oldies who carry misery and dust from the colonial days, younger men are very open-minded, progressive and can be quite experimental because they have access to all these material online that they are willing to try out.

Want your toes sucked? Why not? Want your hair brushed all night, hell yeah, he’ll do it! When you are in that bed, you are their origami art baby, they will fold you and twist your body in unimaginable ways, making your body more refreshed.

Trust me; you will be walking with a bounce in your gait always from all the happiness derived from the new sexual experience.

Your time with them is solely yours. They have no place else to be and their mind isn’t filled with worries about the economy, or the SGR loan, baby mamas or company goals. After a long day at work, you can count on them to take you to a different world away from the normal grown-up shenanigans, hence greatly improving your mood. Then you both know that the relationship won’t go farther than that, so there is no pressure or constant fear that they are lying to you. 

And the absolute best thing with them is that they have the vigour to take it home, doesn’t matter if you are just lying there serving the punani like a bowl of bland rice, these guys can work for two with all their excessive energy.

So, what the heck ladies, let's raid those universities and get ourselves some fresh-smelling, fine-looking lads. These guys might know nothing about spreadsheets, but boy, can they spread beneath those sheets!