Marriage. Everyone talks about it. Every girl and guy has this as a life goalsomewhere at the back of their mind. The thought of how it will be can mesmerizeyou to think that every day will be a walk down the aisle. Think of the lovelyfamily that smiles as you walk down that short path way. Think of the guywaiting for you at the end of the aisle and how he smiles and can’t wait tokiss you or say, I do!’ Your mother-in-law will be happy just as  the rest of your in-lawsthat their son is getting a ‘jiko’ (getting married). Your mother andsisters, on the other hand, will be smiling from one end of the cheek to the next. Yourfather and brothers are will be happy. Not to talk of the community coming tocelebrate your wedding. It will feel like you are finally there: at the peak oflife. But will these thoughts truly there?

Once you get married you realize that the onlything this guy was so happy about was the after night that he was going tohave: he now has a legal ‘get-laid’ partner, or should I say a ‘sex machine’!He is also happy about the fact that he will not go to the kitchen again, asthe saying goes, ‘Amepata jiko!’ (He has found a cooker). He now has a mentaland sexual menu in mind, which the chef should be more willing to providewithout any delays. He expects to be submitted to; to be put first. He expectsthat you put the family first as he alleges to do. He expects you to come home,cook, do the laundry, do the dishes, do the floors, look after the kids, carefor his idling relatives, his idling mother (who has bulged into your home forno particular purpose), take care of him physically, mentally and sexually, andat the same time, as if the list is not long enough, take care of your career!All this you should do happily, without help, and without complaining. Dude, weare not robots! Get robocop to do this; I hear, he’s on e-bay! 

The family, on the other hand, has expectations.Within the first year, they come visiting and give your stomach this awkwardlook as if it owes them a loan. They stare, measure, study, analyse, concludeand when the results do not satisfy, they become hostile. Whenever you get illwith a cold, they become happy. When the cold ends and there’s no ‘good’ newsyet, they turn evil. Who on earth told them that you are a baby-making machine?Who on earth assured them of grandchildren, nephew and nieces?’ To make mattersworse, your family is also in the mix, quarreling and inquiring, ‘What are youwaiting for? You have a husband, you have a good life; just have babies, moneywill come! Your career is not as important as your family!’ The worst issue isthe questions and inquiries. The family also expects that as soon as hemarries, his body should look like ‘it is being fed’. He should start to gainweight all over and look ‘like a man with a wife’! How ridiculous is that? Imean, do I look like a fat-pumping machine? Maybe your son was just born thinand, unless he has a DNA change, he may probably die that way! Besides, I don’tthink I should be the one to blame, even if he has the potential to get fat! Heis responsible for eating, chewing the food well and swallowing it and his bodydoes the rest! I don’t see any interrelationship between me and how his bodyburns food! Go to school people!

The community, you try to run to, is in supportof the above idea. In fact, when you don’t pop out a kid as fast, you arelabelled barren or an abortive woman. Either way, you realize that the onlyreason they smiled at you, on your wedding day, was because there had beenrumors that you had ordered chicken for the reception. So they eagerly waitedfor your ‘I do’ so that the next session of the ceremony could be launchedquickly. The mchele, njahi, mokimo, pilau and others, was all theyawaited for eagerly. When you seek advice, even from the pastor that joined youtogether, the story is the same: a woman should do all these, because it is the‘biblical’ way. They continue to add, ‘You know women in the past managed to doall these plus more without much fuss!’ Let me remind you, pastor, pastors in thepast never married, why are you married? People from those days used to becalled to church with a very big bell. Why don’t you try to SMS the wholechurch to attend a service and see how that goes. In fact, call them or set analert on their phones and let’s see how many will come! To make things better,try to make them wear skins and do as people in the past did! By the way, do Ilook like I’m in the 1600s? I am not in the past, sorry, and I don’t live init.

I don’t think that a woman is a slave by defaultand a queen by chance. A woman is a queen by default and a slave by chance. Iam not obliged by anyone to do any of those things outlined in the ‘Society’sBook of Marriage: The Role of a Woman’ if there’s such a book. I am free to bethe greatest, the best, the only queen, self-realized, great and awesomeperson. I will not be trampled by anyone so that I can get the title ‘Goodwife’. When it comes to the schematics of marriage, I really do not think I amready for it. I think I will take my time. Deal with my career; I can adoptkids if I want them. Maybe this is because I just don’t want that heavy load ofmarriage and relationships and the heartbreaks while the society tells you topersevere. I choose to live a happy life. If I should ever get married and itturns out like the crap above, future mom-in-law, I will return your son backto sender. I am a woman as well; and I am nobody’s slave or loading box. If Iwill not find a humble man who will treat me with respect, love me, then I willnot reciprocate the same. A woman shouldn’t persevere enough to break her back,she should be patient for a while and leave when things don’t seem to change.Patience is a virtue unworthy for the unchanging. So if things don’t change,the idea of marriage will be as lost as 1970s newspaper (if you still have it,you are a hoarder).