Mother in laws are believed to be as cold hearted as the July weather. However, we have exceptions. We have warm mother-in-laws whose heart glows with unconditional love for their daughters-in-law. While some daughter in laws will pretend that it doesn't matter whether they are the apple of their mother-in-laws heart, it’s a white lie. Most women who have terrible disagreements with mother-in-laws thanks to their "tabia mbaya" secretly long for her affection. To know whether you are in the good books or loved by her majesty the mother-in-law, here are the signs.
1. When she constantly asks about you. After your grand wedding that was televised, your mother-in-law is beside herself with joy. She calls and asks how you are, whether you have taken that "dawa ya kienyeji" for your rumbling stomach. She also wants to know when you will visit her. In short you are just a daughter to her and her heart is overflowing with mad love for you.
2. When she visits once in a while. It is not for granted that an aging mother will come all the way from the village just to visit his son. Most old ladies-except a few-prefer not to visit their sons because of their wives, whose heart is as dark as the bottom of a cooking pot. However, other wives are charming and welcoming. The mother-in-law visits any time and feels very much at home.
3. She brings /sends gifts during her visits. She doesn't visit empty handed. She brings that jogoo that weights close to 7kg, a sack of maize, bananas, millet and everything good from the village. Don’t be deceived that it's because of her son. It’s simple, her daughter-in-law is the best. She also has a brightly colored kitenge, shoes and a very nice shawl for mama (not "that woman").
4. The mother-in-law fights your battles. There's this tiff between women married in the same homestead. These women hate you for no apparent reason. They also bad mouth you and can't stop saying you said bad things about members of the family. Though you gossip once in a while and the mother in law knows it, she is confident it's not that bad. That’s why she won't let them tarnish your reputation. In case you have a fight with baba watoto, she always takes your side and cools things down.
5. When your people are her people. Ever since you were married, this mama has been very close to your people. She is friends with your mama and gossipy aunts. She never misses weddings and funerals at your place.
6. When she asks for your help in the kitchen during family ceremonies. Even if it's outside catering for all the guest, she will seek your opinion. She will ask which food you prefer .She will be like "should we hire some women to cook chapattis or leave it to the outside catering unit?”. We are not done, in case all the wives of that family are cooking, she will insist that you do major roles. You can say it's being misused but I will tell you it’s certification from the mother in law.
7. When she talks well about you with Chama Mamas. When other mamas complain about their daughter-in-laws who have long ugly weaves, artificial nails and can't cook food for a family gathering of 20 people, your mama-in-law is all praises. She explains why in spite of the fact that you are educated, beautiful and earn more than your husband, you still cook. She praises your well behaved kids and how your home comes out clean all the time.
8. When she gets worried every time you overstay at your parents. When you visit your relatives and stay for more than a day, the old lady will not be at peace. She is filled with fear that you may have abandoned the family. She can't stop calling just to ask when you will return.
9. When she respects your marriage and never interferes unless necessary. She never asks her son or anybody who can volunteer information about your marriage. She keeps her distance but should a crisis arise, she is the first to come to your aid.
10. When she will choose you again and again as the daughter-in-law. We know that it's a man who makes decisions of who to marry. However, once he has made his choice, a mother is forced to agree. Even after many years of marriage this mama still believes his son made the right choice.
And those are signs that will tell whether your mother-in-law loves you or not.