“This will teach you to steal!” I roared
  • The door was wide open and the thief was cramming electronic devices into his bag
  • I immediately closed the door from the outside and started screaming
  • Neighbours and tenants subdued him and tied him up after a thorough beating

Truth is relative. If you have something unflattering to say about someone’s blood relations, it is better to say them near a police station, just in case you need to be rescued from an imminent beating!

So despite having some concerns about Mambo after some money and a promotional tee-shirt, which I had to embarrass myself dancing in public to win had gone missing, I had to keep quiet.  He was the only one with access to the caretaker’s room, yet I could not raise the matter with the landlord or his daughter because they wouldn’t believe me.

There was also the little matter of witnessing Mambo punch a sandbag into smithereens. I knew the county government has not invested in enough ambulances to assure me that I would be rushed to the ICU in time if such a punch were to land on me.

So instead of telling on him I decided to just learn to live with him like I have already done with the community of mosquitoes, bedbugs, rats and cockroaches in my hovel.

But a few days later the landlord made me wish I had practised telling on others when I was in school by being a teacher’s pet.

“I need you to do some investigation for me...” the landlord started. “I met some other relatives of mine... But they have never heard of Mambo... I need you to dig...”

As my roommate, one of the plans I decided to employ was snoop on his phone. However, I found it was more securely protected than a nuclear weapons facility, or the maize flour cabinet in a Kenyan household.

The other option would be to go through his travelling bag. Problem is that he used it as a pillow. I now rested my hopes on him talking in his sleep.

One afternoon a couple of days later, I unexpectedly returned to the landlord’s flats from the day care centre.

On the way back with the charger I had returned to get, I noticed that the door to the landlord’s house was unusually wide open.

Suspecting that perhaps it was the landlord’s daughter I realised that this was an opportunity to mend fences with her and get her to provide me with information on Mambo.

As I got closer to the house I could hear drawers and cabinets being furiously opened. The moment my head peered in through the open door I saw Mambo holding a tablet putting it in the travelling bag that was already crammed with other electronic devices.

I immediately closed the door from the outside and started screaming. Not for the thief to be apprehended but so that people could come and rescue me before Mambo got hold of me!

About half an hour, later with the neighbours and tenants having subdued Mambo and tied him up after a thorough beating, I now had the courage to land a few slaps on Mambo sure that he couldn’t hit back!

“This will teach you to steal!” I roared. Part of my excitement stemmed from the fact that this was a perfect opportunity to start thinking of how I would raise the matter of a salary raise, once the landlord returned and learnt of my heroic act.