Why I do not host relatives for more than a month

I always see people living peacefully with their relatives and I marvel. I wonder, how do they do it? I have tried and it just did not work. I always wonder, “Am I the bad one or are my relas impossible to live with?”

After several nasty experiences with them, I vowed never to live with relatives. Yes they can come for those sleep overs for a week or two but when a month elapses, my patience runs out. Before you label me mean and self-centred, here are my reasons:

They will never appreciate it I have come to realise that much as living with that relative may be an act of benevolence from your part, to them, whatever you do is not good enough.

Years back when I was newly married, my husband’s brother - a college-going lad - came to put up in our house. It was chaos. When I would give him money for bus fare, he would grumble saying I had not given him cash for lunch. And no matter how hard I tried to make him comfortable, whenever his mum, my late mother-in-law would call, I would hear him saying nasty things about me.

Sense of entitlement For some reason, relatives especially from the man’s side of the divide have some sense of entitlement because they assume their bro is the breadwinner. Since they know their brother foots the giant share of the bills, when he is away, they think they can devolve his power.

So they have the right to think that they can watch Premier League matches (like their big brother does) yet you want to watch your Alajandro soaps in peace. There was a time I almost smacked my small brother-in-law because he refused to hand me over my remote control! That was the last night he spent in my house.

Drama One time I was living with my husband’s niece and what I went through almost sent me into early labour. For the six months we were putting up with her as she waited to join campus, I saw red. She was lazy, dirty, arrogant and a spoilt brat. She would ransack my bedroom and take my makeup without permission, she would sweep away all the loose change lying around, she was picky in terms of her eating habits, she was a nag.

She was always on a collision path with my then house girl. She demanded that her clothes also be washed, whenever we cooked something like red meat, she wanted chicken. And she had the audacity to come home at midnight and expect my house girl open for her the gate and warm her food. One day my house girl told me to choose between the drama queen and her. That was the day I gave her one way fare to Migori.

Tension For some reason, whenever there is that strange third part in your midst, you have to act up. So you can’t have conflict in peace because he is there and he will think he is the cause. These ‘living with relas’ arrangements, though noble, always rob one of peace and respect.

The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life