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If they cheat on you, they're the problem

 If they cheat on you, they are the problem (Photo: iStock)

We all have been cheated on (or cheated) at some point in our love lives. If you haven't, you'll have to write to us and tell us the type of God you serve or the Mountain you face while praying.

You have no choice but to explain to us your prayer and fasting schedule because you must be God's favourite child. Like, how many prayers you recite in a day, how many meals you miss in the event, and the anointing oil you apply on your forehead. You literally are serving the Living God and your space is reserved in heaven, when trumpets finally blow and the righteous ascend to the heavens.

Now, there's always that notion that if and when your partner cheats on you, you're the problem. Big problem. You'll be blamed for not being enough and not giving enough. That you're flawed and something is terribly wrong with the whole of you. You accumulated some ugly fat under your belly and arms after childbirth, and your once succulent boobies sagged so badly. Or, you developed a gin-potty and stopped trimming your beard, for a man.

Technically cheating has always been associated with the victim, not the subject. Do y'all know that when they do you dirty, it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you? Someone's behaviour is just them and not you. See, if someone eats and never gets full, showers but still stinks; if they are careless with their general hygiene and grooming, how's that supposed to be another person's fault? What happened to people taking responsibility for their own mistakes? So if he plays away games because he wants to, what am I supposed to do? Tie him on some tree and whip his ass?

Cheating is never a mistake. We've had this conversation on this column and we almost agreed on this. We actually agreed. For it to get to a point where someone's person gets naked with a person who's not theirs, it must be well planned, calculated and executed. They thought about it. Planned. Paid. Drove away, did their thing and enjoyed the whole moment. It's everything about them. It's meaningless to sit and cry and ask yourself a million questions about why they did what they did.

People who play their persons dirty, have issues with their fragile egos, have very low self-esteem and have tonnes of insecurities hidden behind "my partner drove me into another person's arms (read bed)". They'll have every narrative to justify their uncouth behaviour, guilt trip the other person and play the victim. They just needed a boost of their masculinity or femininity and ran to find it elsewhere because they feel insufficient. That's just who they are!

Low self-esteem is one of the many factors that can cause a person to cheat on their partner. It might, however, not be the most important reason they do, but it definitely plays a significant role in one's behaviour.

This person constantly seeks opportunities to feel better about themselves because they aren't content with where they are and whom they're with. They feel more appreciated by others out there, more confident, and more attractive. The positive attention from someone else apart from their partners seems like a breath of fresh air. Emotionally and intellectually developed people take responsibility for their deeds, positive or negative. I mean, we are all grown-ups and each of us should be responsible enough to look after our own feelings and not make someone else responsible for how we feel or act. Tripping and blaming another person is simply being emotionally irresponsible.

Nobody, man or woman should feel less when the person they love and trust betrays their trust. It's not a reflection of you that your person cheated. It only highlights that they have issues within themselves that they need to work on before living with someone. We should normalise calling out the person and stop bullying and dragging an innocent party into the filth.

Love is an amazingly beautiful thing. We should never betray the people we claim and swear by our shadows how we love them, and as if that's not painful enough, blame them when caught pants down(sic). Cheating hurts. Lies hurt. Betrayal hurts.

Let's just leave people when we fall out of love. Because this whole conversation won't end now, let's all agree that people cheat because they want to. They think about it, then decide to and this has nothing to do with anyone but them. Don't ever feel bad that someone you loved did you dirty.

They actually don't deserve you because they went to get validation elsewhere. Don't die because they played you. Don't even talk about it. You're good enough even when their actions may have you believing otherwise.

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