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How do we rediscover intimacy?

 How do we rediscover intimacy? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

To begin with there was always plenty of love and affection between me and my husband. But frankly, these days, there is not any more. We're hardly intimate at all.

What can I do to put things right?

Hardly Ever Intimate

Chris says,

Hi Hardly Ever Intimate!

Intimacy often fades away in a relationship, and trying to put that right can be surprisingly difficult.

Fortunately, there is a good way to approach the problem. Because lovers always evolve a 'couple style' that's unique to them as a twosome. And working on that style can make a huge difference, without all the usual blaming and guilt-tripping.

For example, some couples spend a lot of time together, talk happily about their relationship and accept each other at face value. But they can get to be such close friends that desire drifts away.

Other couples are passionate, and spontaneous, fight a lot, and use intimacy to make up. But their arguments can wear them out and they often gradually lose mutual respect.

Some couples value intimacy and are always receptive to each other's needs. But they can end up taking each other for granted so that their relationship gradually goes flat.

While traditionally oriented couples generally emphasise clearly defined relationship roles, with the man usually taking the lead in intimacy. But often they do not give lovemaking enough priority so wives feel starved of affection and husbands start looking elsewhere.

So if you are unhappy with your intimate life, you should start talking with your husband about the style that has evolved in your relationship, and think about how to modify it to meet your individual needs as they are now.

Intimacy should be the best thing about your relationship. And working on your couple style, instead of blaming one another for problems, can turn it into the cement that binds you together.

All the best,


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