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Girl code: A few rules you should break for him

Readers Lounge - By Beryl Wanga Itindi
Parents will gauge their son-in-law according to the picture that their daughter will portray (Photo: Shutterstock)

Let’s talk weddings and dowry today. The society believes that a wedding is a bride’s day and the groom is left behind the scenes cringing in pain. I say they cringe because in most weddings, it is the groom that settles the larger portion of all the bills unless otherwise. I have, however, seen occasions where both the bride and the groom share the expenses equally, the same way I have encountered those that the groom settles every bill. Probably the reason I am yet to get one is because they are scarce. Come to think of it, men who are willing to spend on their women in good faith are either scarce or already taken. So all you women with such men should hold onto them because some of us are sitting at the terraces waiting for you to break up.

Back to dowries and weddings. Are there men out there who feel short-changed because they settle not only the dowry but also wedding bills? Talking from a woman’s perspective, I may not know much about what men feel but I sure have attended enough dowry sessions and weddings to see the cringe and anxiety on men’s faces. I remember one time a friend almost walked out of a dowry negotiation function because he felt like the girl’s parents were squeezing every little penny out of him. The lady looked helpless as there was nothing she could do. Actually, she did something out of the ordinary, she started wailing when she saw her man storming out of the meeting in protest. To some women, it’s even worse as they are not even allowed to be present during the negotiations but only show up after envelops have exchanged hands.

Some brave man once visited my home for the same and I can swear to you, I am the one who even stashed money in those envelopes and labelled them in advance. I then gave him a stern warning not to go there and talk on behalf of ‘Who owns Kenya’. We had already finalised our calculations and if he dared go against that, then it was solely going to be his problem. You know some of these men try flexing their financial muscles before their in-laws then when their payments are exaggerated, they start whining.

Are there men who feel short-changed because they settle not only the dowry but also wedding bills? (Photo: Shutterstock)

To whoever is out there planning to ever ask for my hand in marriage, what you display to my people is what they will get from you. This goes all the way to the wedding bills. If you show me that you can chop money, I will help you chop it; if you show me that you can save money, I will be at the front line cheering you on.

I have come to realise that parents will gauge their son-in-law according to the picture that their daughter will portray. If you equate your man to an ATM machine, trust me, he will be beeping every time finances are required, even where he is not involved. It’s you to cushion his account, your family depends on what you tell them about your man before any of these functions.

Remember, you have a whole life ahead of you waiting to be started, so don’t milk him dry because the effects will trickle down to you.

There are, however, those men who were dropped straight from heaven. Those that look at their women and just find themselves settling all the bills even where they haven’t been requested. Money has a way of soothing the soul.

  2. 1. Co-parenting in the first days after a breakup
  3. 2. Defying protests and poverty: Couples get creative to wed in style
  4. 3. Why you feel lonely amongst your friends
  5. 4. Girl code: When age is more than just a number

I equally learnt the other day that money doesn’t go well with noise. Dear God, if you ever push such a man my way, the only noise I will be making is in my sleep. These other men walking all over the planet right now admiring every human in a skirt were cut from a stingy piece of cloth. You will pay for everything they offer, even a simple phone call will be repaid.

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