Saying ‘I do’ the Islamic way

Saying I do is an emotional phase. For most, it’s a feverish activity that triggers a bubbly state. They say you can never tell a woman who is in love anything, I wonder if it works for men. In an Islamic setting, marriage is a gracious event. It may last a day, two or even a week.

The Swahili’s version of Islamic weddings last longer as compared to other communities, since there is a lot of stuff that goes on in the background preceding the big day. This is the perfect place to use the phrase ‘party after party’ because days are eventful, food is in plenty, relatives flock in, and getting on the dance floor is not a choice.

An Islamic wedding begins with the proposal. The groom-to-be together, with a few of his relatives and friends, approach the girls’ family and seek the bride-to-be’s hand in marriage.

A lot of discussions mark this day. It is when the two families get to know each other and build a connection. During this time, the girl is somewhere inside the house. She is later on called upon by her father seeking her acceptance, or rejection, towards the proposal. If she agrees to the proposal then dowry arrangements begin.

The love birds are allowed to discuss dowry privately- mahari. The girl’s parents then choose what they want as a token of appreciation for her upbringing- mali. Thereafter, the girl’s family then provides the groom’s family with a list of gifts for the bride. However, it is encouraged that they ask for something that the man’s family can afford instead of overburdening the husband to be. Some may ask for money while others settle for property.

At the end of the discussion, a date for engagement is agreed upon.

On the engagement day, the family of the man brings the gift(s) for the girl’s parents as well as an engagement ring, though this is not a must.

A few days to the wedding, kitchen party takes place – the heena party. It is what most people nowadays call bridal shower. In an Islamic setting, women comprised of the bride’s friends and relatives come together in dance and joy.

The bride is made to sit in the middle of a circle. The bride is covered with a big scarf or a leso, and the women dance and throw their hair on her face- a custom meant to cleanse and bless the bride as well as bring her good tidings. During the ceremony, heena is applied on her forehead and she can no longer go out until the wedding day.

A day to the wedding, the groom or his representatives take gifts for the bride to her house. The gifts are wrapped in a suitcase which contains personal accessories mostly a buibui, make-up kits and jewelry. However, this varies across communities.

The wedding eve party goes on till morning as preparations continue taking place.

Generally, an Islamic wedding is called the nikah. On the nikah, the groom and his men head to the mosque, together with the men representing the bride, to solemnize the union. The mosque is mostly a few meters from the bride’s house. This is to ensure that the Kadhi (muslim leader) solemnizing the union can reach her to ask her if she agrees to the union and the amount of dowry they had agreed upon.

Once the bride agrees, she signs the marriage certificate and the Kadhi goes back to the mosque to finalize the ceremony.

The groom and his party heads to the bride’s residence where he is the first person to see her. The bride’s siblings and aunties make it hard for the man to get in and he has to part ways with some cash to please them. If they are satisfied, they allow him in.

When he sees his wife for the first time after solemnizing their union, he gets to pray for her and the party begins. Families sit together to share a meal and dance. After the feast, the husband and wife leave the party venue for their house.

Later on at night, or on a different night, women from both families and friends gather together in a hall where the celebration continues.

The bride comes in slightly earlier than the groom and sits at the podium. The husband joins in later accompanied by his family, mostly women, and joins the bride at the podium.  The couple the gets on the dance floor as the photo session goes on. The couple then leaves as the rest dance on and feast on the available delicacies.

The pre events are, however, not the same across board. Some go for the easier version where the introduction and engagement occur on the same day followed by the wedding day, the nikah, where the union is solemnized and families gather for a meal. For others, like the Swahili, the pre-wedding parties go on for more than a day.

Finances play a big role as weddings are not a mean feat. If you are planning one, plan your pockets too. Her siblings and relatives are likely to milk you dry even before you land to your jewel. All in all, weddings are happy season.