After 8-year chase, one kiss and he was gone

I am a university student in my third year and have never been in a relationship. Even though I am happy, most people consider me weird. I am now caught up in a situation where this guy who has been stalking me since primary school is really into me.

We are neighbours and I find it hard to avoid him. About two weeks ago, he really pushed me until I couldn’t resist. I ended up kissing him. Since then, he has totally changed. He no longer talks to me and doesn’t even want to see me. I have deep feelings for him but I don’t know what to do now. I don’t understand his behaviour...did I kiss him away?. {Ann}

Your Take

It only takes one good date to lead to a long-term relationship. In the meantime, take some steps to be more “date-friendly” and see what happens. Try not to be deeply attached to him because it may be that nothing serious will come out of this. You are not late, there is a gentleman in the offing. Take your time.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Have you tried to ask him why he has gone quiet on you? Stalking you from primary to now third year means he started loving since then but you have never reciprocated. Having fallen in love before may not mean that you can’t love. Just like any other person, you truly deserve to love and be loved likewise. Don’t be weird as people think you are.

{Ouma Wuod Ragumo}

I am sorry to ask but, do you brush your teeth? Unless there are underlying issues, there is no way a guy will fall out of love with you after just one kiss. There may be something he did not like in the process and it is either your breath or the way you kiss.

{Aseri Dick}

You did not tell us the marital status of this guy who kissed you. Is he currently seeing someone or is he actually married? If he is, then he may still like you but fears that you may get pregnant and then create a rift between him and his family. It may also be that he only wants a casual friendship with you and not a relationship. Look for other friend for lover or he may be engaged and he fears that you may spoil his family.

{Onyango Outha}

He could still be hurt that you have rejected him all these years. He may be feeling shy and awkward after kissing you so maybe he needs some time to come to terms with it. Sit down and open up to him that you are concerned about his change of attitude after that day. I am sure he will be reassured that you are not mad at him for kissing you and all will work for you both.

{Felix – Oyugisnet}

Your Take

Ann, relationships go through many twists and turns and I am somewhat appalled at yours, especially because I am not certain that it was actually a “relationship” in the real sense of the word. You described only so well that it was only after you kissed him that he started acting strange. I am inclined to believe that you are not well versed in relationships and with relationships there is very little you can learn from others so one usually has to go through the tides to fully understand things.

What happened between the two of you is more or less common and it happens especially in situations such as these. Men have this high affinity for adrenaline and it manifests themselves in many ways including the irresistible thrill of chasing after a woman who never gives in. During the chase, the thrill is rife.

When the chase is over, especially when the target gives in, then all of a sudden the adrenaline rush dies out and then they lose interest in everything. This is not to say that women should not give in to the chase, but especially when the chase is too long, it should be gradual to allow for a subtle friendship to grow from which a relationship may form and blossom.

At present, it may not necessarily be that he is no longer interested in you; he could be dealing with many other things including the guilt of thinking that he pushed you too far. I would encourage you to give him time and keep prompting him from time to time so that he may get to know that you are also somehow interested in him. There is also a possibility that he may think that you are playing too hard to get so he is trying to keep some distance.

With the situation as it is, there are too many possibilities and, given time, you may get to know what is really going on between the two of you. However, bear in mind that not all friendships blossom into relationships and not all relationships mature into marriages. Some relationships never get off the ground; others break halfway while a few will be fortunate enough to mature into something serious. Keep an open mind about this and be open to new friendships as it is only from these friendships that something good will emerge. {Taurus}