His phone has a password, hope his pants get one too

For a few months now, my husband’s phone has a password which wasn’t the case before, we didn’t have rules on phones. He could go through mine and I was also allowed to do it. I suspect he’s chatting with another woman. This is one of the areas we agreed to be open with each other but he’s gone against that promise. What should I do? Makena.

Your Take:

Makena, suspicion is the leading cause of broken marriages. When there is no trust, relationships cannot hold. Engage him and be as open as possible. Show him love, care and understanding. Win his heart back by doing great things that attracted him to you. Also remember to pray because God is the institutor of marriage. {Pastor John Kioko}

Respect a mobile phone as a personal device. Your thoughts and suspicions will only kill your morale and depress you for nothing. Why do you want to break your marriage because of a mobile phone? {Maureen Kanyangi}

Your husband is hiding something and he may be cheating on you. However, you should share with him how you and encourage him to open up. Involve a third party mostly someone he trusts in this discussion. Nonetheless, you may want to review your conduct since it may be contributing to his behaviour. {Tasma Charles}

Women think men are always out to cheat. He or she who cheats is usually sure that her partner is also cheating. How would you feel if you found your man going through your phone? That’s invading his privacy. If he is a true cheat then his 40 days will come to an end. Remain sober in handling this situation because it can affect your marriage. {Gede Mutwiri}

You seem insecure and by doing this you will only end up stressing yourself. If you trust him then just trust him. If I were you, I would sit him down and ask him why he has a password unlike before. Maybe he will have some valid reasons for this. Let this go and move on with your life. {Ouma Ragumo}

Counsellor's take

There are a few things we need to agree on; one, that a mobile phone is a personal item; two, having a password is a personal decision and is not necessarily an indicator of monkey business; three, banging his phone against the wall will not crack the password open nor solve any of your problems but will only aggravate things, and four, that his mobile phone password is just one of many other passwords you don’t have (personal e-mail, office email, secret email, social media sites among many others). Actually the ones you don’t know and don’t have access to are much cheaper and have far greater capabilities than text messages.

As a matter of fact, you may have brought this upon yourself by often snooping on his phone and as such he realised a password may sort out many of his troubles. He is not being secretive about anything; he is just defining and defending his privacy and seeking peace of mind. He may have put a password not necessarily to conceal the affairs he is having but to avoid those annoying questions women disturbingly ask whenever they find anything that has a female link to it.

Everybody is bound to communicate with others from time to time. However, when a spouse develops the habit of going through call logs and text messages asking all manner of questions, it becomes extremely uncomfortable and annoying. Remember, any call or message can be queried in many different ways; for instance your husband and best friend may have a series of calls and text messages in the process of organising a surprise party for you. If you come across such activity, hell is likely to break loose.

While the mobile phones remain to be a source of information for catching cheating spouses, they are not entirely reliable because when people are cheating, they are extremely careful to clean out any traces from their devices and the bulk of cheating takes place away from the phone so many times people dedicate a lot of time and effort in a source that may only give signs or remote indicators. If anything, the best way to catch a cheating spouse through their phone details is to give them the satisfaction that you would never check or snoop around it then they will not always be too careful with it.

[Taurus}