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Bad boy: It is a lonely holiday, now you know why wives matter

My Man By Silas Nyanchwani
When wife left, you comforted yourself at the bar. But around Christmas, bars are notoriously deserted (Shutterstock)

From the word go, Caroline wanted to spend Christmas at her ancestral home, having spent the last four either in your village or on some vacation. You could not object. Not that she would have listened. Lately, women, or wives never listen to authority that is their men.

Just as well because your parents travelled to the States to visit your sister, and there will be nothing much going on in the village. So, when wife left yesterday, you comforted yourself at the bar. But around Christmas, bars are notoriously deserted. Most people in bars around Christmas are loners, with no place to go.

It is worse when all your family are away, and you are removed from your relatives. So, already the first evening you went home alone, the emptiness of the house was engulfing. You immediately appreciated the warmth wives and children bring to a home.

The worst part about temporary bachelorhood is where and when to eat. First, no husband knows their way around their house. This morning while preparing tea, you could not find a sieve, so you drove to the supermarket to buy one, because Caroline never picks her phone when in the village and rarely returns missed calls. So, in case of an emergency, if someone called her number from your phone, they will not find any good help.

But when she called back and you asked her where the sieve is, she said it is on some hook on the side of the upper cabinet in the kitchen. You looked there and wondered how you missed it in the first place. But again, even cutlery, women really have a way storing stuff in unlikely places. And then there are spices, or even salt -- you never know which container has what. Before wives leave you home alone, they should try and label everything.

But it is pointless. Because by the time they go for Christmas, most of the shopping is gone. You go to buy cooking oil, and come back to find there is no salt. You go to get salt, and when back, there is no drinking water. So, you do the manliest thing. You stop bothering and decide to eat out. It is the logical thing.

But eating is only part of the problem. Walking to a lonely bed is not funny. And Caroline is not the video-calling type. Her calls are very perfunctory, before she passes you over to the kids to update you on how they saw the rabbits poop and other exciting things in the village. Caroline rarely knows that you miss her. She can be romantic, but she chooses not to be. She is always too busy for life.

Now, you see why some men trip. Because the love at home is never enough. And there is no shortage of exes, and female friends who can offer company whenever the wife is cold.

But some people think it is wrong. So you sleep wondering how the baby mama is spending her Christmas, and suddenly you have an urge to spend it with them and ‘Caroline will never know’.

@nyanchwani

[email protected]

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