Are you emotionally available in your relationship?

Being emotionally available is key to building meaningful and intimate relationships.

According to psychologist Hellen Staula, it means being present in your partner’s life, recognising your role in the relationship, understanding and communicating your emotions and being receptive to their experiences.

Emotional availability can develop depending on the environment created by both partners. She says that it grows when people feel welcomed and safe enough to discuss their emotions openly.

“Emotional availability means being able to say, ‘I need you to be by my side,’ or ‘I cannot do this on my own,’ without feeling that needing support makes you weak,” she says.

An emotionally available person can listen, communicate and respond, take responsibility, be willing to have difficult conversations and not disappear when things get challenging.

“Couples should disagree while being respectful and objective and be willing to correct situations instead of avoiding them. When an argument gets too tense, however, take a break,” she recommends.

Emotional unavailability manifests as physical absence, avoiding conversations, struggling to express their feelings, ghosting, or becoming irritated when uncomfortable and when emotional issues are raised.

They may offer superficial affection, avoid commitment, send mixed signals or refuse to define the relationship. Others may be physically present but emotionally distant.

Hellen says that being more emotionally available starts with self-reflection and honest expression of emotions.

“Instead of labelling or judging the other person, use respectful language that focuses on your experience. You can ask, ‘Is it something I did that made you feel this way?’ or say, ‘I feel annoyed that you did this,’” she says.

A self-aware person is better able to see their emotions, understand their triggers and manage difficult feelings. They can acknowledge when they are angry, disappointed or happy and communicate those emotions instead of hiding them.

“When partners are emotionally available, they can name what they are experiencing and take responsibility for their actions. A person can say, ‘What you did hurt me,’ while another can acknowledge, ‘I was wrong,’” she explains.