Wars between men and women have been fought for days and it looks like the more we try to learn more from one another, the more we end up losing one another.
The fight for personal space and conveniences in relationships is turning cohesiveness into a mirage. While men differ on which teams to support in the World Cup, men and women largely differ on how to move the relationship forward. A myriad of differences arise out of this disconnect.
Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met.
They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
Largely, women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is; that they will be rejected for speaking up.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.
On the other hand, most women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.
But if there is one mistake that women make it has to be assuming men want to manipulate them. Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals.
They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready to. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
The other day, my pal Frao was surprised to meet a lady named Cess who believes women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Cess was categorical that women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgement, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.
For us men, it is a no brainer, as the Americans would put it. All men want is a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it.
She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
Women think men only want to have a good time and that is where they miss the point.