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Hi Chris,
When I was in my 20s, I thought everything to do with sex was fascinating. That was even truer when I first got married!
Neither of us was ever ‘too tired.’ But things have changed. Every night I sleep next to a really nice guy, one that I love, and I could have sex every day if I wanted to.
But I do not, and somehow I am not missing it. I always seem to be too busy, or distracted, or too tired, and I am never in the mood. Does this happen in every marriage? Or has something gone wrong?
Too Tired
Chris says,
Hi Too Tired!
What has happened is that you have forgotten something that your newlywed self-understood. Sex is good for your relationship. So if you want your husband to love you to bits, make sure you eat together, appreciate everything he does for you, walk around the bedroom naked, and have lots of sex.
It is amazing what a man will do for a woman who makes him feel loved. And anyway, sex is fun, stress-relieving and a complete escape from reality. So let off steam together as often as you can.
Make opportunities for quickies, especially in the morning. You will both be smiling all day. Napping baby? Head to the bedroom and snuggle up together. At the very least, you will feel more relaxed.
Do not wait until bedtime to get romantic.
When you were dating, putting on pretty undies was all it took to get you excited. Bring that back into your marriage. Send each other flirty texts.
Turn off the TV and take the initiative more often. Tease each other, hold hands, and squeeze each other’s butts as you pass in the kitchen. Sleep close, cuddle loads and tell each other how nice you both are.
And talk openly and honestly about sex. That can be difficult because nobody ever teaches us how to talk about intimacy. If it is hard to get started, go see a good counsellor together. They know exactly how to get you talking, you will enjoy every minute, and will never look back!
Create a sexual bucket list together. Because new lingerie, new positions and strange beds all enhance excitement and intimacy. And have some lube handy! Sometimes it can be hard getting physically aroused even when you are in the right mood, but do not let that put you off!
Spend more time together and you will have more sex. Work out together, and you will have more sex. Do new things together, and you will have more sex. And it is all worthwhile.
Because it is intimacy that drives happiness in a marriage, not money or possessions. So make sex a priority, and an important part of your routine. You will feel more optimistic, confident and attractive. And you will not be too tired to have sex again.
All the best,
Chris
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