Confessions: Did I make a mistake leaving my first husband for a financially unstable retiree?

I am 32 years old. I have two sons aged 6 and 10. Their father and I have been separated for about a year now. He is currently married to a woman I knew so well.

I recently decided to get married to someone else. He is also separated but his children are adults now. The man says he loves me though he is not financially stable since he is retired.

Since the kids are mine, he does not provide for them. I am struggling to feed my children and this man. It often makes me feel like I made a mistake to agree to the separation with my ex.

I have not fully healed from the broken marriage and, so often, I am full of anger and regret.

How do I get fully healed from these wounds?

Simon says

Marriages are complex matters and they become even more complicated when one get to a point where they have to deal with two marriages.

The Unfortunate thing about marriage is that even after a break up the relationship still follows both parties into the new relationships bring a mix of complications such as the ones you are experiencing. Indeed, it must be painful for your former husband to take up someone you knew very well after the break-up. It would perhaps be different if he married a total stranger but nonetheless here you are.

It is not quite clear if you are already into a fully fledged marriage or you are just staying together as you plan for the marriage. It is however clear that you have not let go of your former husband and as such, you are likely to have problems with your current relationship.

Your current husbands financial status is also getting in the way of the relationship and I think this is a problem we ought to think about more carefully. Being that he is not financially stable, you may need to continually assess his loyalty to this relationship. He may be in this for the support you are according him. It is rather common for men who are struggling financially to take advantage of vulnerable women in the name of love while they are only out for financial gain. I will not want to judge him since I do not know him but it is important for you to be aware and alert about this.

There must have been some solid reasons that led you to breaking up with your former husband. However, if they have not gone very far into their relationship and you still have strong feelings for him you can still give it a chance.

Even men at some point realise that the grass only appears to be greener in other pastures and there is that spot in every man for the first wife that no other woman can ever replace. He may also be thinking along the same lines and it really doesn’t hurt to try. If it is too late now then it may be about time you accepted and moved on with your life.

This is not going to be easy but it is possible. I will also tell you that it is going to get harder if you got attached to the wrong partner. If it doesn’t look right, and if it doesn’t feel right then maybe it is not right. Sometimes when you have nothing at hand, it is better to start on a clean slate that continue holding on to nothing. From what I know, a mature man who waits to be fed by a woman is not worth his salt.